Burke's Law-isms

Every episode of Burke's Law contained a one-line witticism, called a "Burke's Law." This list will hopefully eventually contain every Law. A book was apparently written about Burke's Law-isms, but it is no longer in print and we have been unable to find it. Amos Burke

  • A good civil servant doesn't rest until he gets his job done. 
  • A murder investigation is like a puzzle. Some take longer than others to solve. 
  • A smart policeman never mixes business with vermouth. 
  • Always be punctual where beautiful girls are concerned. 
  • Ask enough good questions and the case will solve itself. 
  • Be careful if you're constantly attacking. There may be someone waiting for you with a net. 
  • Be it big or be it small, do it well or not at all. 
  • Beauties make the best suspects. 
  • Cynical conversation makes for bitter brew. Never mix them. 
  • Don't think about it, just do it. 
  • Duty will always interrupt pleasure. 
  • Everyone can make money. Only a few can make a difference. 
  • Fidelity never goes out of fashion. 
  • Hell hath no fury like a princess scorned. 
  • History is most likely to repeat if you stick to a woman with a past. 
  • If catching a killer was easy, anyone could do it. 
  • If it was easy, everyone could do it. 
  • If the pieces of the puzzle don't fit, you don't have all of the pieces. 
  • If you can't find what you're looking for, you're looking for the wrong thing. 
  • If you don't find what you're looking for in deep water, look in the flower garden. 
  • If you never grow up, you'll never grow old. 
  • If you want to enjoy the simple things in life, you've got to be rich. 
  • If you would avoid a slap, see that your hand isn't quicker than her aye. 
  • In homicides, check out the facts one at a time, slow and easy. 
  • It's a great life if your don'ts weaken. 
  • Juries don't convict because of what Burke thinks. 
  • Look innocent when you're suspicious. 
  • Money can't buy love, but it can put you in a good bargaining position. 
  • Money is worthless unless you can enjoy it. 
  • Murder is the only game you can never win. 
  • Never argue with the inner voice of experience. 
  • Never bet against a sure thing. 
  • Never box with senior citizens. 
  • Never bring 25-yr-old Scotch to a man who drinks corn whiskey. 
  • Never call the Captain unless it's murder. 
  • Never confuse the improbable with the impossible. 
  • Never drink martinis with beautiful suspects. 
  • Never eat little round pancakes when you're in a hurry.
  • Never fight the hand that feeds you. 
  • Never invest with a friend if you expect to keep him as a friend. 
  • Never keep a lady waiting. 
  • Never let your brain interfere with the heart, your stomach or your wallet. 
  • Never let your emotions get in the way of your job. 
  • Never make fun of an older woman. One day you'll be married to one. 
  • Never order filet medium well. 
  • Never play a murderer's game. Make him play yours. 
  • Never sleep with a suspect. 
  • Never talk to the press no matter how pretty until you know what you're talking about. 
  • Never waste time talking about the future. 
  • Not all girls who want a rose-covered cottage are American beauties.
  • People can say what they want, but facts speak for themselves.
  • Play it cool. 
  • Sometimes even Burke's Laws have to be broken. 
  • Sometimes you have to be one step ahead just to stay even. 
  • Sometimes your best investment is the one you don't make. 
  • Suspects may say what they want, but facts speak for themselves. 
  • That's the way the body bounces. 
  • The best witness to a murder is the victim. 
  • The only truth in a murder case is that no one tells the truth. 
  • There are two sides to every wall. The inside and the outside. 
  • There is nothing more dangeous than a prime suspect with a short fuse. 
  • There's no such thing as a perfect crime. 
  • To catch a criminal, you have to think like one. 
  • Too many crooks spoil the stew. 
  • Trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship. 
  • When duty calls, we horsemen have to ride.
  • When it comes to murder, numbers rarely add up. 
  • When it comes to murder, the only sure thing is that there are no sure things. 
  • When magic is murder, your first question is not who did it, but how it was done. 
  • When preparing a dish for bedtime, champagne makes the best tenderizer. 
  • When reading a suspect, don't forget to look between the lines. 
  • When the bell rings, keep on your feet. 
  • When the track is muddy and you're trying to get even, never walk away from a long shot. 
  • When you come to a dead-end, you go back to the beginning. 
  • When you hit a brick wall, sleep on it. 
  • When you must swim in dangerous water, don't invite the sharks to lunch. 
  • Where there's a will, there's a relative. 
  • Wise men hide cards in deck.  
  • You always have to look for the murderer among the living. 
  • You can never impose on a friend. 
  • You can't solve a murder without first finding a suspect. 
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