The Warty ToadMarch 30, 2005A warty toad said to me,"Why art thou wartless, unlike me?" To this toad, I replied, "I have warts, just like thee. The toad, confus-ed, said to me, "Where are thy warts which I can't see?" With heavy sigh I then replied, "Inside my soul, where none can see..." MisfortuneApril 3, 2005A hammer will fall on my foot,A thumbtack will lodge in my hand, My DVD player will fry, My telephones will ring all day. What else can go wrong? Misfortune will reign! A soda will spill on my floor, My bookshelf will crash to the ground, My printer will jam up and die, My dinner will burn on the stove. What else can go wrong? Misfortune will reign! My toilet will flood on my floor, A beetle will fly up my nose, My speakers will go up in smoke, My spirit will soon start to break. What else can go wrong? Misfortune will reign! A sandwich will poison my gut, A weasel will bite off my toe, A virus will enter my brain, My life force will get up and go. What else can go wrong? Misfortune will ALWAYS reign! |
The CowApril 1, 2005A cow, wandering in the desert,Strength failing, failing, failing, Lies down and stands no more. Sweet death takes it away, I know not where. Left behind is an empty corpse, Sitting still beside the lonely road. First one fly, then two, then more, then swarms, O the flies! Buzzing in and out, they deposit their young. Then, the maggots slither and the body bloats, Larger and larger, like a ghastly balloon. One day, a lonely car rolls by, Its driver in a dreamy state. The cow corpse bursts, the stench escapes! The driver gags, and slams on the gas! Such was the end of the noble beast, Remembered by only one man, And only in decay. Garbage DayApril 3, 2005I open the door,And that familiar stench greets me! The odor of rot, The odor of decay. I search for the source, I sniff the disposal, I check the aquarium, I open the fridge. But as I knew all along, That familiar stench has only one source! The garbage can, Yes, the garbage can, Releases its rotten odor, Polluting the air. I guess it is time to take the garbage out. |
The KeyboardApril 3, 2005What happened to my nice new keyboard?What happened to the ivory keys? What happened to the nooks and crannies? First a speck of dust, Then a speck of dirt, Then another, Then another, Until the keys are brown. Dead skin! Greasy fingerprints! And remnants of a forgotten drink, Dried into a clump of goo. Cat hairs! People hairs! And cockroach droppings. All add to the brownish mess. Crumbs of last year's dinner Collect in narrow grooves. Dried drool! Dried boogers! Filth and grime of all kinds grow, Covering, covering, That once pristine keyboard. Nor is the mouse immune! Nor the mousepad! Grime conquers all, Turning the keyboard brown, And gumming up the mouse. Should all keyboards then Be manufactured brown? No, no, no. Grime conquers all! When every keyboard is made brown, Keyboard grime will then be gray! A Nerd's RefrigeratorApril 3, 2005I open the fridge to look for a snack,And the smell knocks me flat. Struggling to ignore the stench, I peer inside to see what horror awaits. What used to be an orange oozes moldy liquid, A kiwi is now a kiwi raisin, Forgotten meat is turning green, And Cheddar is now a blue cheese. Sticky goo coats the shelves, Providing food for mold. The vegetables are a slimy, gooey brown, And the bread is hard as stone. A dark brown donut sits forlornly, As it turns into a bagel. I take out this bagel-once-donut And slam it on the floor. Into a million pieces it shatters. I survey the horror once more, Then grab a soda and close the door, And return to my computer. |