EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS
THE LIFE OF A MISFIT: MY STORY
Part 3: Life as an Adult Male
March 17, 2003
I was seventeen years old, and I was about to start college. After spending
three months with my grandparents, I moved into my own place. I am 31 now,
and I have lived alone since then. I sped through college, thinking of little
else, getting my Bachelor's degree at 20 and my Master's degree at 22. While
I was in college I met an older man who was sporadically working on a Ph.D.
He was a very tolerant person and he introduced me to all kinds of new things
and diverse people. While I did not realize at the time that I was
transgendered, his influence probably began the process of breaking down the
walls of fear. He died in 1994; that devastated me and I still deeply miss
him.
During college I felt an urge to wear dresses, but I never completely acted on
it. For some reason, the concept of going to a store and buying one never
entered my mind. Instead, I would arrange sheets or blankets to resemble a
dress and wear those crude creations around the apartment. Soon after leaving
college and starting work, the urge became too strong. I bought two items of
women's clothing. At the checkout counter, I was terribly afraid, but no one
said anything and I got home and excitedly tried them on. I loved them!
Incidentally, I still have those first two items; even if they get worn out,
I will never discard them. They are precious mementos!
My crossdressing rapidly progressed. I bought more and more clothing.
Some of those early purchases did not quite work out, but
others did and I learned from my mistakes and successes. I made occasional
forays out at night but I was too nervous to go out during the day. I did not
have a wig, and I had not figured out makeup, so I would have looked
terrible.
By 2002, I could not keep it hidden any longer. In March, I came out to my
best friend, and by May I made my first forays out in public where people
could see me. Then in July, I met with two local social and support groups,
and by August I was going out in public and interacting with the public without
getting nervous, and I was contemplating my transition. It has been wonderful
finally being able to acknowledge my true self and to explore this vitally
important aspect of my personality.
This story continues in the various articles I have written about my transition.
All contents of this site, unless otherwise noted, Copyright 2002-2008
Heather Harrison. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to accredited
educational institutions to copy and use this material as desired, in whole or
in part, provided that proper credit is given.