EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS
HI MOM, MEET YOUR NEW DAUGHTER!
September 4, 2002
My mother lives in the San Diego area and she typically visits Salt Lake once a
year. This year, she came over Labor Day weekend; she arrived on Thursday,
August 29, 2002, and left on Tuesday, September 3. I told her about my
transgender
status in June of this year. At that time, she offered her full support and
acceptance with no hint of anger or betrayal. I am truly lucky to have such a
tolerant and accepting mother. I will give a day-by-day account of her visit
here.
Thursday
I took the entire day off work, so since I am now in female mode nearly
full-time outside of work, I was dressed up that day. We talked previously and
decided that it would be fine if I showed up to the airport as a woman. I
drove up to the curb and she was there already; I guess the plane was on time.
So she first met her new daughter in the rather hectic environment of the curb
at the airport terminal. She threw her suitcase in the back of my truck and we
headed off. As I drove out of the airport, she told me I was beautiful; I
cannot find words to describe how wonderful I felt. As we headed to my
apartment, we talked a little about my situation, and we started to plan the
visit.
After she unpacked, we headed off to dinner. We decided to go to the Gateway
and pick a restaurant there; the last time she was here, the Gateway had not
opened yet so it was new to her. We stopped briefly in Barnes & Noble and then
walked over to McGrath's Fish House and had a wonderful dinner there. I was
amazed - she had just met my new female self and was already willing to go out
in public with me.
Friday
This was our shopping day. After I made breakfast (she was surprised; I am not
known for cooking), we went to Fashion Place Mall. I bought some new flatware
at Dillard's and we looked at clothing at Nordstrom. Neither of us bought any
since for some reason nothing appealed to us. I actually found myself giving
her a little advice on clothing. That felt a little strange. We looked around
in a few other stores and left. Later, we had dinner at Amici's (an Italian
restaurant by the E Center).
Saturday
In the morning, we did some grocery shopping. Later, I stayed home while she
went to visit an old friend. While she was gone, I made a loaf of banana bread.
We made dinner plans with an old childhood friend. He knows about my
transgender status, but he is not yet ready to see the new me, so I had to turn
back into an ugly man. This was the first time my mother saw the old me on
this trip. She was happy to see the son with whom she was familiar, but she
remarked about how much more comfortable the new daughter appeared to be. We
went to dinner at Cafe Madrid, and afterwards we had a long discussion about my
situation. My mother and my friend stressed that I need to be certain of what
I am doing and be careful. I agree. I am purposely holding back on permanent
steps, such as hormones, to make sure that I really want to go through sex
reassignment. All along, I have decided that I will go where this takes me,
and sex reassignment is not the only option. All avenues must be considered
before permanent steps are taken.
Sunday
I went back to female mode for the morning, and we spent some time at home. In
the afternoon, I went back to the ugly man because we were visiting some old
friends who don't know about my status. It was a fun visit; these were my
mother's friends from way back, and I always enjoy seeing them again.
Monday
My aunt (my mother's older sister) died about a month ago. She was the
matriarch of the family, and whenever a relative would visit, she would cook a
massive dinner and invite all of the family over. Since she is gone, someone
else has to fill in - my mother and I decided to have the family dinner at my
apartment.
I went back to female mode in the morning and made a large breakfast. After
cleaning that up, my mother showed me how to make a pie crust. She made the
lower crust and I made the top crust. She said that my crust turned out better
than hers! We poured in the pie filling (black cherry) and put the pie in the
oven. It baked perfectly. Then, we cleaned up the apartment and started
preparing the dinner. We cut up a watermelon, an orange honeydew, and a canary
melon for appetizers, and we roasted a pork loin and cooked peas and couscous
for dinner. I chose wine to match each course of the meal.
Although it was a lot of work, it was also a lot of fun getting all of this
ready. It felt perfectly natural - a mother and her daughter preparing a big
family meal.
My relatives don't know about my new self yet, so I went back to male mode just
before they arrived. My aunt's son, daughter and her husband came over - they
were late; they had learned from their mother, who was always late! The dinner
went very well, but I am sure my aunt would have done a better job. No one in
the family cooks as well as she did. She will be missed.
Tuesday
I went back to female mode for the rest of the visit. We were very tired from
the previous day, so we were slow to get going. We talked a little and watched
a video about wine. We got lunch, and then she packed her things and I drove
her to the airport in the afternoon. She told me that the first two days had
been a little difficult, but that she had gotten used to her new daughter. I
am planning to visit her in late December/early January, so we talked about
what we could do while I am there. She was thinking of things we could do
while I am dressed up. We also talked about how to tell her boyfriend about
this. They have been together for 14 years, and I would hate to see anything
come between them. I hope that he will be accepting, but I am uncertain.
Wednesday
I took the day off work. I talked to my mother this morning, so I know that
she got back home without any problems. It was such a wonderful visit - I miss
her, and I dread going back to work tomorrow, since I have to go back to being
an ugly man.
I am truly fortunate to have the unconditional love and support that my mother
is willing to give me. When I hear of the horror stories of other transgendered
people being rejected by the people they love most, it saddens me that not all
parents can be like my mother. I am a little more apprehensive of the rest of
my family; I do not know how they will react, but I need to figure out how to
tell them. Coming out is a difficult process, and I am glad that I have the
support that I do. Even if I lose everyone else, my mother will still support
me, and that will be enough.
In conclusion, I thought I should add a little disclaimer here. Unfortunately,
the kind of tolerance that my mother exhibits seems to be quite rare. My
experience shows how things should be for any transgendered person, but all too
often, things do not work out this well. Many people put ideology above
acceptance, and many just do not want to deal with things they do not
understand, so it can be easier to cut someone off than to deal with it. Be
careful when coming out to parents and other family members. Make sure you
know them well, and break it to them as gently as possible, and maybe you will
have an experience much like mine.
All contents of this site, unless otherwise noted, Copyright 2002-2008
Heather Harrison. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to accredited
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