EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS
EARRINGS AND ESTROGEN
Transition Gets Physical
May 6, 2003
The physical changes are beginning. On April 19, I finally went into a piercing
studio and had my ears pierced. It felt creepy to have that piercing needle
boring its hole through my earlobes, and afterwards I began to black out. I
sometimes don't handle pain well, and the fact that I had not eaten well for
a few days (I was busy with things and didn't want to take the time to eat)
overcame my endurance. Luckily, I came back to my senses in a few minutes
and went on my way. The next stop was to get some food! I am glad that I
made it through the ear-piercing. If I couldn't handle that, then I would
have a very tough time making it through my transition. However minor, this
was the first physical change to my body and it felt great to finally have
that done.
The next physical change is more substantial but slower to take effect. Today,
I went to the doctor. She performed a physical, and her assistant drew some
blood. This time, I was prepared. I warned them that I sometimes faint from
pain and they had me lie down and they had a drink available. Having blood
drawn is unpleasant at best, and I hated the experience, but I was determined
to get through it and I did. Surprisingly, I didn't even faint.
The doctor gave me a prescription for Premarin and instructed me to take one
0.625mg dose per day. This is a very low dose, but the plan is for me to ramp
up gradually. I told the doctor that I wanted to take the minimum necessary
dose and did not want to rush things and risk my health. I will try this dose
for a few weeks and see what happens; then, I will gradually increase it.
This afternoon, I expectantly swallowed my first pill. Afterwards, I felt a
euphoria that is certainly psychological and not directly related to the
Premarin. Finally, I have started down the path of no return and it feels
great! I am sure the initial euphoria will die down and I will be able to
carefully evaluate the effects of the new female hormones which are now
running through my veins. It will be interesting to see what happens in the
months to come. I don't expect any quick results since I am proceeding
cautiously, but I hope to see something before long. Perhaps the physical
changes will begin to be noticeable, but more importantly maybe I will notice
emotional changes. I am hopeful that the hormones will help me remove the
resistance that prevents me from fully expressing my feelings. Maybe I will
become overly sentimental or quick to cry, but that would be fine - it is
part of being a woman. I just hope that I don't start to think that babies
are cute - children are the last thing I need right now! Or maybe instead, I
will decide that baby animals are cute and I will want to cuddle the next
baby crocodile I see. That would be a bad idea! But seriously, I don't know
for certain what will happen but I look forward to finding out. It will be a
fascinating journey.
This evening, I poured myself a glass of Tawny Port to celebrate. Soon after
I finish it, I will go to bed and tomorrow I will be back to the daily routine,
but with one major difference - female hormones will be in my system, gradually
doing their handiwork and hopefully leading me to a better future.
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