EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS
CATCHING UP WITH FAMILY
My Father's Family Meets the "New Me"
January 31, 2004
Over the holidays, I took some time off work and went on a two-part trip to
northwestern Washington and northern California to get re-acquainted with
some members of my father's family. My grandparents and my aunt live in
Sequim, Washington (a town near Port Angeles on the Olympic Peninsula), and
my father and my brother live in Nevada City, California (an old mining town
northeast of Sacramento). All have known about my change for some time, but
until this trip, none except my brother had met the "new me". It was an
interesting experience for all.
I left Salt Lake on the evening of December 18, 2003, after having dinner with
a friend who was visiting from California. That night, I drove to Twin
Falls, Idaho and spent the night. The trip to Washington is too long to drive
in one day - about 1000 miles. Going to Twin Falls took just enough distance
off that I was able to go the rest of the way the next day. The next morning,
I left Twin Falls and headed towards Oregon. Interstate 84 heads over a
pass in the Blue Mountains in eastern Oregon and drops precipitously into
Pendleton and the valley of the Columbia River. The sun was shining in the
mountains, but the descent took me through a thick cloud bank and into gloomy
weather below. I felt my spirits lift as I made the descent; I love the
gloomy, drizzly weather of Oregon and Washington.
After going through bad traffic in Portland and worse traffic in Tacoma, I
finally arrived in Sequim. My grandparents were happy to see me, and the
great change did not appear to bother them. I spent the week with them and
with my aunt and her husband, mostly relaxing, but also doing a little
sightseeing and
shopping. (Port Townsend is a great town for shopping!)
Everyone was very accepting and supportive, and clearly my
happiness and comfort with myself contributed to their comfort. Ever since
I told my aunt, she has been among the most supportive members of my family,
and my grandparents have also taken the change very well.
I spent Christmas in Washington. The cards I received actually meant
a lot to me (in stark contrast to years past), and two gifts in particular
meant considerably more to me than whatever their financial worth. My
grandfather gave me an old shotgun which had been in the family for years,
and my grandmother gave me a beautiful diamond ring which had belonged to
her mother. These gifts mean so much to me because they tell me that I am
an important enough member of the family to receive these family heirlooms.
I understand now, more than ever, why family heirlooms are so important to
many people; they represent a connection across the generations long after
individuals are gone.
On December 26, I left for California. After taking a detour to visit two
wineries in Oregon (the best place in the U.S. for Pinot Noir), I spent the
night in Grants Pass. Concerned about the potential for bad weather over
Siskiyou Summit, I picked that location because it offered a detour to the
coast. As it turned out, there was some snow between Grants Pass and Medford,
but the pass was in reasonably good shape. The rest of the trip to Nevada
City went well, except for some traffic in Sacramento. (Why I went down there
rather than turning off the freeway at Williams and bypassing that mess is
still a mystery.) I arrived at Nevada City and met my father and his fiancee
that evening.
Again, everyone was accepting and supportive. I had a good visit in Nevada
City (a place I have always enjoyed) and it seemed to end all too soon. The
shopping in that little town is excellent. It is probably good that I do not
live there because I would probably go broke if I did. I spent hundreds of
dollars there on this trip alone. I also saw my brother there. He had met
me once before, long before I went "full-time" when I was still using a wig.
He complimented me on my hair. It was nice to spend some time with him; since
I announced my "change", we have become closer than we have ever been (our
childhood was rather strained). On New Year's Eve, I went with my father and
his fiancee to a party put on by his friend who lives out in the country. He
had set a huge bonfire, the centerpiece of which was a crude wooden sculpture
of a woman - the "Burning Woman". As far as everyone knew there, I was simply
his daughter, and I don't think too many people guessed at my unusual
history. One guy there even hit on me a bit, which caused me to try to avoid
him - I don't like it when men hit on me, but I guess it goes with the
territory.
On January 4, the time came to leave. I hated to go (and I would have liked
to stay another day or two), but there was a window in the weather allowing
me to cross Donner Pass unhindered. My father accepted the change well; he
has noticed that I seem happier now. With another good family visit done, I
headed back to Salt Lake. I love the drive across northern Nevada; many people
think I am nuts, but I think the barren desert is beautiful. It is a very
relaxing, relatively stress-free drive, allowing me some time for thought.
Thoughts of returning to my daily routine came as I drove into Utah and
across the salt flats. After such a good vacation, I hated to come home!
My transition has been a "dream transition". The support I have received from
my family has been strong, and I have not faced rejection. Too many people
have had problems with family, and I feel grateful to have such a good family.
Tolerance and support are family values that are too often ignored. If people
would simply allow their relatives to learn and grow as they choose, and not
impose upon them narrow-minded ideals, families would function much better.
My relatives gave me a chance, and I did not disappoint them. My grandmother
told me that she felt very comfortable with me, my grandfather treated me as
the friend I have always been, and my aunt said that I was
one of the better relatives to visit her. My father has told me that I seem
happier now; that is enough for him. His fiancee, whom I had not met prior
to this visit, immediately connected with me and we had many good
conversations. My brother seems happy to have a new sister, and we are getting
along better now than we ever have. All in all, I have the best family that
I could imagine. They have allowed me to be myself and they have supported
me through the process, and that is the greatest gift of all.
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