EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS
MOVING ON
Joining the Larger Society
July 11, 2004
When is it time to move on? Most transsexuals ask this question at some point
during transition. We spend a great deal of time and effort preparing for that
pivotal moment when we go "full time" and many of us become heavily involved
with the transgender community. But when is it time to loosen some of those
ties and branch out into the larger society? Can the transgender community
become more of a crutch than a general support for some of us? I have known
some transsexuals who essentially break all ties with the transgender community
and go out into the world, leaving that part of their lives behind, and I have
known others who remain closely connected, even after surgery. Many, also, take
a middle ground.
I have reached the stage in my transition when these questions come up
frequently. Since I now feel very comfortable in my social role, numerous
new experiences and opportunities have opened up to me, and I am enjoying my
new-found freedom. This, of course, means that my time is increasingly
taken up with competing activities and events, so I need to readjust my
priorities.
Not long after taking my first steps out in public, I became heavily involved
with the transgender community, both local and on-line, and I have remained
active to this day. But other groups, events, and activities are increasingly
competing for my time and I sometimes find myself skipping transgender group
events in favor of other activities. Is it time for me to follow the lead
of many other transsexuals and drift away from the transgender community?
For me, the answer is an inconsistent "yes and no".
First, I will treat the "yes" part of the answer. I am now quite capable of
negotiating most aspects of the larger society and I do not need the safe
haven of the transgender community as much as I used to. If I do not get out
and see what society has to offer, then my personal development could be
arrested. Participating in groups such as the Democratic Party and a local
hiking club, and attending a wide variety of events such as the gun show,
the Pride festival, and the antique show have certainly broadened my
horizons. All of this is essential in experiencing a healthy transition.
Relying too much on the support of the transgender community can become
unhealthy at some point. That support is important and vital, but it is also
dangerous to rely on it too much, so it is necessary to take the plunge into
society and experience all that life has to offer.
Now, I will treat the "no" part of the answer. I may have successfully
transitioned into the social role of a woman, but I am certainly not done.
Surgery still looms in the future, and in the near term, facial hair removal
will be a priority. Also, doctors and therapists have been known to
disappear and it can be hard to find new ones. The transgender community is
an essential resource for advice and referrals in these matters. In addition,
the social and support groups have helped me immeasurably in attaining
success; it is my obligation at this point to give something back. When I
think back to my situation in 2002, when I was just beginning to step out of
the closet, I realize how grateful I was that there were people who had
completed the process and yet remained active in the community so that they
could help new people who came along. Now I am in a position to offer the
kind of help that I so gratefully received two years ago. Finally, and most
importantly, I have made some good friends and I would never wish to lose
contact with them.
In conclusion, this is a decision with which all of us must wrestle at some
point. There is no right or wrong answer. Some of us continue to need the
support of transgender groups throughout and beyond transition, some feel a
strong desire to give back to the community, and others need to make a clean
break with the past in order to start a new life. I prefer to take a balanced
approach, reducing but retaining contact with the transgender community, while
also partaking of the richness of the larger community. Life has so much to
offer; it would be a shame to miss out on anything.
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Heather Harrison. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to accredited
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