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HEY EVERYONE! LOOK! A MAN IN A DRESS!

Passing in Public and Avoiding the Tranny's Nightmare

May 29, 2003

Updated April 25, 2004

I'm Going Shopping. How Should I Dress?

What about this? I certainly feel very feminine wearing this beautiful dress, and the makeup is covering up my beard shadow quite well. What about this? I look more casual here, but it seems like my face looks somewhat masculine. I am wearing makeup, but only a minimal amount.
If I go to the store looking like this, everyone will see me from a mile away and I guarantee I will be read. I wore this outfit shopping, but it was Halloween, and anything is appropriate on that day. If I go to the store looking like this, I will probably blend in reasonably well and I will go through the aisles, make my purchases, and be on my way, and to everyone else, I will be just another ordinary woman. A few minor masculine-looking flaws are unlikely to be noticed.

The Tranny's Nightmare

When I first started going out, I was certain that everyone would read me and cause problems, so my first steps out were rather cautious, typically going where I was unlikely to be observed closely. Those first few tentative steps are familiar to most of us who have gone out in public, and the experience is rather frightening but exciting at the same time.

Here is the Tranny's Nightmare. I go out of the house wearing a dress, a wig, and makeup, and I am scared out of my wits. I quickly run to the car and drive somewhere and get out in what seems like a safe place to take a furtive walk where I hope no one will notice. But some teenage boys come along and one of them yells, "Hey everyone! Look! A man in a dress!" and they come over and proceed to harass me. Maybe they will only laugh and verbally assault me, but perhaps they have a violent streak. Maybe they will kill me.

Probably all of us have run through that scenario or one like it in our minds. The thought of something like that happening is enough to scare many of us into cowering in the house, unable to venture outside.

The Anticlimax

When I first ventured out of the house, I subconsciously expected the Tranny's Nightmare and was as prepared for it as I could be, but as it turned out, I was destined to be disappointed. I tentatively stepped out the door and nothing happened. I passed someone on the way to the car and we simply looked through each other. After reaching the safety of the car and driving around a little, I got out and walked around briefly and was certainly observed by a few people, but nothing happened. Then, I went home. While I was somewhat relieved to be back home, I was also perhaps a little disappointed. The situation was an anticlimax; I had expected excitement and more than a little danger and what I got was a rather boring trip out of the house.

I quickly noticed that most people are so wrapped up in whatever they are doing that they seldom expend much effort observing others. Anyone who does not look hopelessly out of place will be seen as a fuzzy blob at best and will not be remembered. Of course, there are a few people who are very observant and enjoy watching others, but they are few and far between. Most people will just take a passing glance, if even that. If a man sees a woman (or what he perceives to be a woman) he may check her out briefly to see how attractive she is, and then he will go on about his business. If a woman sees another woman, she may take note of the other woman's makeup and clothes, but she will not waste much energy in doing so - she has other things on her mind.

I found that after going out just a few times that I was not some kind of freak on display - I was just part of the nameless and faceless crowd, and even if I had some flaws which I could not hide, I would not be noticed.

Just Starting Out?

So you are just starting out. You have been dressing around the house, experimenting with makeup and clothing, and spending countless hours observing yourself in the mirror. You are sick and tired of hiding and you have a lot of pent-up energy that needs to be released. The big day is here - it is time to venture out the door.

About a year ago, I was in this position. I took those first steps outside and savored my new-found freedom. It worked out very well for me, and I have learned a lot since those first steps. Here is what I have learned.

Fitting In

Not looking out of place is the secret to passing. Perhaps you have gone out once or twice and things have gone reasonably well, and now you have a strong desire to go shopping. If you go to a typical shopping area during the day, what you wear will be important. If you are wearing a lot of makeup and very fancy clothes, you will be noticed even if you are a genetic woman; but if you are dressed casually and your makeup isn't overwhelming, you will blend right in. Take note of other people. What are they wearing? How do they behave? Get in the habit of paying attention to other women. Learn to emulate them while retaining your own sense of individuality.

You don't have to look perfect to pass - a few flaws will not be noticed. The overall appearance is key. If you are dressed and made up in a way that is not appropriate for the situation, people will take a second look because you look like you don't belong. Then, since their curiousity has been aroused, they are more likely to notice your flaws, and if enough of these flaws add up, they will read you. Even a genetic woman who is dressed inappropriately will garner a lot of attention. So if you don't want that attention, dress in a way that is appropriate to the situation.

Clothing

In day-to-day life, most situations call for casual clothing. People simply don't run around town, doing their shopping, in their best clothes. Casual clothes are easy to find in the stores, and there is a good variety available. Of course, most women these days seem to dress much like men so it may not be that exciting, but you can find garments which are feminine but still casual. There seems to be an endless variety of tee shirts, many of which have nice feminine touches, such as lace trim or floral prints. Casual skirts are also a good choice - there are many styles available. Denim is always popular, and solid-color or printed twill skirts are good choices. During the hottest days of summer, a casual mini skirt can work fine if you have the legs for it, but be prepared for a little more attention. If you want a feminine touch in pants or shorts, look for floral prints or colors which a man would never wear. A type of casual dress that I love is the tee dress or polo dress - basically an elongated shirt. They are very comfortable to wear, especially when it is hot outside, and they are unmistakably feminine.

Makeup

In most situations, you should try to minimize makeup. Just do whatever is necessary to cover up the most glaring male features, such as facial hair. A coat of foundation and/or beard shadow cover, a subdued shade of lipstick, and a little blush is all you need. If you wish, a little eye makeup (not too much) works. I don't wear eye makeup except on special occasions because it irritates my eyes. You can wear nail polish if you wish, but it is not required. I recommend against picking out some garish shade - stick to something simple.

Try to find makeup that matches your skin, your hair, and your clothes. If something clashes badly, you will be the recipient of unwanted attention. There are plenty of books and websites which can help, but it will take some trial and error. Also, you can get advice from a genetic woman or a more experienced tranny. I found that it is not as difficult as it looks.

Hair and Wigs

I struggled with this problem a little; it took some trial and error. When I wrote this article in May of 2003, I was still using a wig, as my own hair was not long enough for me to style it in a feminine fashion. What I finally learned is that it is best to choose a wig that is well-matched to your body. A color close to the natural color of your hair is best; it will not clash with your skin or your eyes. Also, a simpler hair style will help you blend in better and will be easier to maintain. Again, if you keep it simple and natural, you will not stick out like a sore thumb and you will not be noticed. Of course, your own hair is best. By July of 2003, I had stopped wearing a wig and the occasions in which I got read became few and far between.

The Voice

The voice can be the most difficult problem with passability. It is only a matter of time before you need to interact with people, and even if you look like the most beautiful woman on the planet, when you blurt out that loud, gruff, masculine voice, they will take notice.

The voice takes a lot of practice and often some professional help. That was my greatest passability problem until I sought professional help. However, a great deal of practice and professional help is not always necessary. If everything else looks right and you make even a minor effort with your voice, you will probably pass. People judge the whole, and if only one thing is a little out of place, they are unlikely to figure out what is going on. Although my voice is still not passably feminine, I am able to function quite well out in public. My technique is to speak somewhat softly, use as much inflection as I can, and raise my pitch just a little - not a lot. I was in speech therapy from May until September of 2003, and the resulting improvement was considerable. Since then, through constant use, my voice has continued to improve.

Body Language

What you do with your body is also important. Think about it - men, stereotypically, like power and like to be in control. They tromp around loudly like they know where they are going; when they sit, they take up space; and when they interact with someone, they get straight to the point and do not fuss around. Women, on the other hand, are more circumspect. They move more slowly and gracefully, using every part of the body. When they sit, they cross their legs and usually keep their arms and hands close by - they do not sprawl out all over the chair. When they interact with others, they use all their feminine charm to get what they want. They smile and gesture with their hands, and they do not shy away from showing emotion.

If you want to pass, watch women and see how they behave. You can look perfect, but if you march down the street and plop down in a bench and sprawl out all over it, you will be read in an instant. Be graceful, smile, and be friendly and do not feel bad about showing a little emotion. It will work wonders.

Dressing Up

If you have a strong desire to wear all your fancy clothes and a lot of makeup, as most of us do from time to time, pick the proper time and place and you will be fine. If you like dressy but somewhat conservative clothing, a downtown business district on a weekday is a great place to go. There will be plenty of office girls in smart suits, so you will blend in. And if you live in an area where a lot of people go to church on Sunday, you can dress up on that day and you will not look out of place. For the fanciest, sexiest clothing, bars or fine restaurants on Friday or Saturday night are the best venues. But be careful in bars - they can be dangerous.

Even if you are in the proper place for dressing up, you still need to be conscious of what is appropriate. There is fantastic variety to women's dress clothing. It can be conservative and frumpy, modest but stylish, hot and sexy, or anything in between. Wearing a strapless sexy gown in a church would definitely not be appropriate, but the same dress may be perfect for a night on the town. Use your common sense, and observe others, and you should be fine.

Work

If you are a transsexual who is planning to live full time as a woman, you will probably have to face the issue of what to do at work. How you behave and dress at work is especially important, as it not only affects how successful you are in the workplace, but also how well other transsexuals will be accepted in the future. First, make certain you know and understand the accepted standards of dress at your workplace. Before you transition, observe other women and take note of how they dress. Some workplaces have rather narrow standards, whereas others are less concerned over workplace dress codes. If you work in a professional office environment, a conservative business suit is in order, but there may be more choices if the office is a more casual environment. If you work in a manufacturing environment or construction, jeans and a tee shirt may be the accepted standard. I work in a professional office environment where there is a great deal of leeway in clothing choices. Some women dress up most of the time, while others wear jeans and a tee shirt almost every day. True to my tranny roots, I prefer to dress up. At first, while people were getting used to me, I dressed in especially modest clothing: nothing was sleeveless, and dresses and skirts were ankle length. Now that people are accustomed to my change, I will wear sleeveless outfits and knee-length skirts, as do many of the women in the office. Some of the women in the office are rather daring; they may occasionally wear a mini skirt or an especially revealing blouse. I will never do this at work; a tranny dressed in a revealing outfit can be rather difficult for some people to accept.

Conclusions

I am now approaching two years of experience going out dressed, and I have been living as a woman full time for about six months now, and I have not had any problems. All of these techniques have worked well for me so far, and as time goes on I am sure I will learn more. It takes a lot of practice, but it is very rewarding. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I can fully express myself.

A NOTE OF CAUTION

Be careful. Some people hate us enough to physically attack us. You don't want to run into such a person in a dark alley, so keep out of dark alleys. Also, in bars and clubs, stay aware (keep alcohol consumption to a minimum) and be prepared for a quick escape if things get ugly. If you like to drink, drink at home where it is safe. Stay especially aware if you are brave enough to venture into a straight bar which is not accustomed to trannies, and do not flirt with anybody. Open, public places are the best. Villains are less likely to strike where they may be observed - they are cowards by nature.

While the techniques I have described in this article have worked well for me so far, nothing in life is guaranteed. You may do everything right and still end up in a bad situation. A bigoted redneck at the wrong place and time may ruin your day or end your life. Make sure you know your location well and be wary of going out dressed in an unfamiliar place. There is relatively little risk to going around Salt Lake City during the day, but you probably should not run around Riyadh in your fanciest dress unless you have a death wish. A little common sense will prevent most problems.


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