EX TENEBRIS CRESCIT FLOS

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LINGERING FEARS OF TRANNY-BASHING

We Are All Vulnerable

September 10, 2004

I live in a community which is generally quite safe. Although the dominant culture is very conservative and religious, and would potentially be worrisome, the people here tend not to be violent. The thought of being attacked by a half-crazed Mormon simply doesn't cross my mind - it just doesn't happen. However, there are still some nasty people around Salt Lake City who probably would attack a tranny at the slightest provocation. I have never felt especially nervous here, but as a recent post on TrannyWeb reminded me, violence can strike anyone at any time.

Since I began going out as a woman, and especially since I went full-time, some of my habits have changed. I used to think nothing of going to a bad part of town, even after dark. (Note that a "bad part of town" in Salt Lake City is a relative term; no part of this city is as bad as some parts of Los Angeles I have wandered into.) Also, if someone invited me to a bar, the only reasons I might decline were cigarette smoke or boredom, not fear of what might happen. Finally, I never thought about having to defend myself if attacked since I saw that as a remote possibility.

Now, I will not go to certain parts of town after dark, and I will not go to bars, except on very rare occasions, and only to a bar that is definitely safe; also, I think twice before going to parties. There are also certain parts of the country where I would never now travel alone; for example, redneck-infested places such as the Deep South, or generally violent places such as Washington, D.C. Travel in various parts of the world is also a more remote possibility than it used to be. Africa, Latin America, and especially the Middle East are probably off-limits for good. Finally, I am now more conscious of self defense. I have obtained a permit to carry a concealed firearm, and I often carry a loaded gun while in Utah and in other states that honor Utah's permit. Although I hope I never have to use it, it helps me feel a little more confident. Even with the gun, however, I still avoid situations in which the risk of being attacked is high.

Violence against transgendered people is all too real. In Salt Lake City and in various other places, every November a memorial is held for transgendered people who have been murdered. Their stories should strike fear into the hearts of any cross-dresser or transsexual. Crazy predators seek us out and will kill us given the chance. Even those of us who pass very well should be nervous - no one passes perfectly, and some people are very observant. My heart goes out to those who have been victims of violence, and I hope that one day the world will come to accept us to the point that violence against us will subside. Until then, we must be careful and be ready for anything.


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