This could be entitled:
[This was my first post to the internet. It appeared as an
E-mail message with original spelling and grammar corrected.]
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1993 22:04:57 -700 (MDT)
From: Perry L. Porter <plp@cpu.us.dynix.com>
To: "(MORMON List )" <MORMON-L%BYUVM.BITNET@cmsa.Berkeley.EDU>
Cc: Multiple recipients of list MORMON-L
<MORMON-L%BYUVM.BITNET@cmsa.Berkeley.EDU>
Subject: Re: Unhappiness on Mormon-L
(more)
You only need to read 5 posts to realize that this is not just another bulletin board group.
Instead of just exchanging software or information, people here exchange personal ideas and beliefs.
Therefore I contend that Mormon-L is more like group therapy.
The dynamics of group therapy that goes beyond 10 sessions are requires some sort of structure to survive. Can someone offer suggestions in that vain.
I have been briefly involved in "group" just 3 times. A class at BYU, a "in-service" at work and a bereavement support group at the hospital.
A little over a year ago Christy Lynne Porter was born with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome. At the age of 3 days she had successful open heart surgery. And on the tenth day the Lord mysteriously took her back.
We learned Christy Lynne Porter would have problems during an early sonogram. Our two sons Steve and Jim (10 & 8) were with their aunt in Idaho. The hardest thing I have ever had to do, was call them and tell them that their sister was dead.
My wife had a much harder time coping than I did. People in the ward seemed to admire how well we handled things. My 13 year old daughter Tiscia helped me make the funeral arrangement and pick out the head stone. She was more brave than I, in a new situation. I was so proud of her.
A month or so later people kept suggesting that we go to a support group. I didn't think that we needed to, but I went for my wife. At the beginning I thought that they were a bunch of immature, self pitting, sniveling cry babies. Some had been going to this thing for 6 months. They had other kids and were young enough to have many more. (most 20 years younger than us).
Then at the end of the meeting, when everyone but one realized that we have had enough for one day, (please finish so we can go home), a young, small red headed girl in a nurses uniform spoke up the first time. Her voice cracking as she told her story of the ill development of her child.
The fetus had a rare forming defect where the skull has no brain, and only a partial brain stem. The prognosis was that the child would live, if at all only a few minutes.
The doctors had presented her with an option to terminate the pregnancy. We were also given that option at an early time. Even though you think that the answer is instantaneous and automatic. When it hits you in the face, it is such a serious decision that you don't want answer either way too quickly.
[Type can appear jet black on the white page, but seems more gray when the story is your own. Perry L. Porter Aug 16 1992]
She had been briefed by her doctor as to the latest church policy in regards to a terminal fetus. After prayer she made the decision to terminate the pregnancy.
Now the sad part. When she got back to her home ward and people started talking about what she had done. She felt ostracized. To put it in her own words "They won't play with me any more."
My eyes were wet for the first time in the meeting, as they are now, as I recall the intense pain and hurt she was feeling. I wanted to go to her and hug her, though my wife would not approve. Instead I sat and tried to cover my tears.
Not everyone in the room was moved. The sniveling wimps, wallowing in their own self pity had none left for someone who had made a decision different than their own.
There seemed to be an awkward silence even though people were still talking. I wanted to console her that I had not judged her for her private and most difficult decision. I could not find the right private moment.
I will close now and let you draw your on parallels to this experience and your experiences on Mormon-L.
I do regret that I am a weak and lowly person, for I have had more than one occasion to be at the hospital. I know what area she works in. Her face is chiseled in my mind, yet her name is long lost.
I am ashamed to admit that I let people in my ward praised me for how brave I was in the loss of Christy Lynne.
Yet I have not had the courage to go
to that hospital, search out that lonely and hurting girl and
give her a hug and take time to play.
Or if that does not work, try this mail
form.
.
[Commentary: This page does deal
in a sensitive way with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome and the
difficult subject of when a couple is given the option to
terminate the pregnancy. Hopefully this will be for comfort
to those that make that most difficult decision, even though that
was not what we decided with Christy Lynne Porter. After
7 years of hind sight I still think the decision is very personal,
and I would not judge badly a person that made a difficult decision
either way. My heart goes out to anyone who's child is born
with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome.]
All opinions are mine and mine alone,
and represent my thinking at this point in time,
(subject to change based on better information).
All original writings of mine are just that, to reproduce, forward or use, parts or whole, you need to get permission from me first.
Spellings constructed for effect and to confound the ridged. ;)
©1996 by Perry L. Porter. All copyrights are maintained by any parties (individual or corporate) which may have originally created any of the information or artwork contained herein. If you see your work, and I've mistakenly not given you or your company credit, please E-mail me, I'll gladly add the appropriate credit, if you feel it's necessary.
plporter@pobox.com http://pobox.com/~plporter (Homepage) ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/users/p/plporter (download) http://www.xmission.com/pub/users/p/plporter (download)