Jaws 3-D

Year: 1983

Director: Joe Alves

Written by: Richard Matheson, Carl Gottlieb

Threat: Shark

Weapon of Choice: Teeth

Based upon: nothing

IMDb page: IMDb link

      Jaws 3-D  Jaws 3-D  Jaws 3-D

Other movies in this series:
Jaws 2
Jaws: The Revenge

Rish's Reviews
I wanted to see this pretty bad in 1983. But living out in Infected Cyst, Wyoming, we didn't have a theatre near enough to go see everything. I had to satisfy myself with some of the Topps trading cards.
But the thing is, when I did see it (I've only seen Jaws Not-In-3-D, never the theatrical version*), I recognized that it was not a good movie, even as a kid. It's funny, the Jaws series got worse with each installment. Kinda like the Planet of the Apes and Superman series, huh?
Dennis Quaid stars at the-all-grown-up Mike Brody (did Dennis Quaid become a Celebrity before or after this?), far from Amity Island and now the designer of a sea-themed amusement park. Bess Armstrong plays Mike's pretty vanilla scientist girlfriend. Lou Gossett Jr. is the greedy Sea World park administer. Lea Thompson plays a cute and horny teenager (you were in love with her also, weren't you, tyranist? [Oh, yeah. But weren't we all?]), and some nameless dude (John Putch) plays Sean Brody. Oh yeah, and some gimpy guy with an accent as the arrogant prize hunter Fitzroyce . . . zzzz.
Directed by the production designer of the original Jaws, and written by the original screenwriter, plus Horror icon Matheson, the pedigree is here. But something went wrong somehow. As these flicks often do, it has a few silly 3-D shots for their own sake, especially toward the end. They really distract from the story, what little there is. Often, the underwater scenes are a) so poorly executed, and b) so hindered by Pan&Scan that it was impossible to know what was happening. The special effects are often astoundingly bad (and can that all be blamed on the non-present 3-D stuff?). The shark looks pretty phony most of the time, whereas in the previous two films, it only looked fake occasionally. This movie is quite low-brow and campy. It even gets boring really quick. Although there's a lot of danger, there's very few actual deaths.
This is something of an important film, though, because the mentally-deficient dolphin subplot is responsible for our Dog/Pet Miraculously Survives cliche. And oh, those dolphins. "Cindy" and "Sandy" are worse than terrible. Jaws Not-In-3-D has one of the gayest endings in film history. The way many people feel about Jar-Jar Binks, I feel about them frickin' dolphins.
As bad as this movie is, there's a certain nostalgic fun to it--a bit of simple enjoyment and stupid thrills. It would be a blast to see in the theatre.
Best Scare: None. But sharks are still scary.
I'd Recommend It To: Those easily amused and/or those who absolutely have to see all the Jaws films.
Line To Remember: "Our shark couldn't have killed Overman. Its MOTHER did!!"
*In fact, any time there was a tri-dimensional release in the theatre and not on video, I call the movie "Not-In-3-D".

Total Skulls: 15

Sequel skull
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears skull Lea Thompson
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut skull
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer skullskull
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer skull
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare skull
Laughable scare skull
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Blood fountain skull
Blood spatters camera/wall/other
Poor death effect skull
Excessive gore skull
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives skullskull
Unresolved subplots skull
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending skull
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?