And Then God Created Fathers
by Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating fathers, he started with a tall frame.
A female angel nearby said: "What kind of father is that? If you're
going
to make children so close to
the ground, why have you put fathers up so high?
He won't be able to shoot marbles
without kneeling, tuck a child in bed
without bending, or even
kiss a child without a lot of stooping."
God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child-size, who would children
have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.
The angel shook her head sadly and said: "Do you know what you're doing?
Large hands are clumsy.
They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber
bands on pony tails, or
even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."
God smiled and said: "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything
a
small boy empties from his pockets
at the end of a day, yet small enough to
cup a child's face."
And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever
seen when the angel could contain
herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do
you honestly think those large
boats are going to dig out of bed early in the
morning when the baby cries?
Or walk through a small birthday party without
crushing at least three of the
guests?"
God smiled and said: "They'll work. You'll see. They'll
support a child
who wants to 'ride a horse
to Banbury Cross,' or scare off mice at the summer
cabin, or display shoes
that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughtout the night, giving the father few words, buta
firm,
authoritative voice; eyes
that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, he added tears. Then he turned
to the
angel and said, "Now, are
you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"
The angel shutteth up.
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