My Dear Father in Heaven---
---YES?
Don't interrupt me, I'm Praying.
--BUT YOU CALLED ME.
Called you? I didn't call you.
I'm Praying.....My Dear Father in Heaven----
---THERE, YOU DID IT AGAIN.
Did what?
--CALLED ME. YOU SAID. "MY DEAR
FATHER IN HEAVEN". HERE I AM.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
But I didn't mean anything by
it. I was just, you know, saying my prayers
for the night. I always
say my prayers. It makes me feel good. Kind of like getting
my duty done.
--OH! ALL RIGHT. GO ON.
I'm Thankful for my blessings.
---HOLD IT! HOW THANKFUL?
What?
--HOW THANKFUL ARE YOU FOR YOUR
MANY BLESSINGS?
I'm --- well I don't know.
How should I know? It's just part of the prayer. Everyone always
said that I should express my thanks.
--OH, WELL, YOUR WELCOME, GO
AHEAD.
Go ahead?
---WITH THE PRAYER.
Oh yeah. Lets see--bless
the poor and the sick and the needy and the afflicted---
--DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
Well sure I mean it?
---WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
Doing? Who Me? Nothing, I guess.
I just think that it would be kind of nice
if you got control of things
down here like you have up there, so people
didn't suffer so much.
---HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?
Well, I go to church, I pay my
tithing. I don't----
---THAT ISN'T WHAT I ASKED YOU.
HOW ABOUT YOUR TEMPER? YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM, AND YOUR FRIENDS AND
FAMILY SUFFER---AND THEN THERE'S THE WAY YOU SPEND MONEY---ALL ON YOURSELF.
AND HOW ABOUT THE KIND OF BOOKS YOU READ?
Stop picking on me? I'm just
as good as some of the rest of those I see
every Sunday at church.
--EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE
PRAYING FOR ME TO BLESS THE NEEDY. IF THAT IS TO HAPPEN, I'LL HAVE TO HAVE
HELP FROM THE ONES WHO ARE
PRAYING FOR IT---LIKE YOU.
Oh, all right, I quess that I
have a few hang ups. Now that you mention it.
I could probably mention some
others.
---SO COULD I.
Look, Father. I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than usual.
Bless the Missionaries to be led
to the doors of the honest in heart.
---YOU MEAN PEOPLE LIKE RALPH?
Ralph?
---YEAH. THE GUY AROUND
THE CORNER.
That Ralph? But he smokes
and drinks and never goes to church.
---HAVE YOU HAD A LOOK AT HIS
HEART LATELY?
Of course not. How can---
---I HAVE. I LOOKED, AND
IT'S ONE OF THOSE HONEST HEARTS YOU WERE JUST PRAYING ABOUT.
Well then, get the missionaries
over there, do you think I like having a non- member for a neighbor?
---AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
A MISSIONARY? I THOUGHT I HAD IT MADE
PRETTY CLEAR.
Hey, wait a miute. What is this?
Criticize "me" day? Here I am doing my duty, keeping your commandment
to pray, and all of a sudden you break
in and start reminding me of
all my problems.
---WELL, YOU CALLED ME, HERE
I AM. KEEP ON PRAYING I'M INTERESTED
IN THE NEXT PART. YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED THE ORDER AROUND HAVE YOU?--GO ON----
I don't want to.
--WHY NOT?
I know what you'll say.
--TRY ME AND SEE.
Please forgive me of all my sins,
and help me to forgive others.
--WHAT ABOUT BILL?
See! I knew it! I knew
you's bring him up! Listen, Lord, He told lies about
me and I lost a job. Everyone
in that office thinks I'm a first class creep,
and I didn't do anything.
I'm going to get even with him.
---BUT YOUR PRAYERS. WHAT
ABOUT YOU PRAYERS?
I didn't mean it.
---WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST.
I GUESS YOU ENJOY CARRYING THAT LOAD OF BITTERNESS AROUND, DON'T YOU?
No, I don't, but I'll feel better
as soon as I get even.
--DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
What secret?
---YOU WON'T FEEL BETTER YOU'LL
FEEL WORSE. LISTEN TO ME. YOU FORGIVE BILL AND I'LL FORGIVE
YOU.
But Lord, I can't forgive Bill.
---THEN I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU.
No matter what?
--NO MATTER WHAT. BUT YOU'RE
NOT THROUGH WITH YOU PRAYER YET.
GO ON.
Oh. All right---Please
help me to control my feelings and not yield to temptation.
---GOOD, GOOD, I'LL DO JUST THAT.
BUT YOU STOP PUTTING YOURSELF
IN ALL THOSE PLACES WHERE YOU
CAN BE TEMPTED.
What do you mean by that?
---QUIT HANGING AROUND THE MAGAZINE
RACKS AND SPENDING SO MUCH
TIME IF FRONT OF THE TUBE.
SOME OF THAT STUFF IS GOING TO GET TO
YOU SOONER OR LATER. YOU'LL
FIND YOURSELF INVOLVED IN SOME
TERRIBLE THINGS BEFORE LONG---AND
DON'T USE ME FOR AN ESCAPE
HATCH EITHER.
An escape hatch? I don't
understand.
--SURE YOU DO. YOU'VE DONE
IT LOTS OF TIMES--YOU FIND YOURSELF IN
A CRISIS SITUATION, AND THEN
YOU COME RUNNING TO ME. "LORD, HELP
ME OUT OF THIS MESS AND I PROMISE
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN."
IT'S AMAZING HOW THE QUALITY
AND INTENSITY OF YOUR PRAYERS
IMPROVE WHEN YOU'RE IN TROUBLE.
DO YOU REMEMBER SOME OF THOSE BARGAINS YOU TRIED TO MAKE WITH ME?
Well. I don't think---oh--yeah--like
the time mom's visiting teacher saw
me coming out off that movie
about---oh, brother!!!!
----DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR PRAYER?
I DO. OH GOD, DON'T LET HER TELL MY MOTHER WHERE I'VE BEEN.
I PROMISE I'LL GO TO NOTHING BUT G-
RATED FROM NOW ON. SHE
DIN'T TELL YOUR MOTHER, BUT YOU DIDN'T KEEP YOUR PROMISE, DID YOU?
No, Lord, I didn't. I'm sorry
--SO AM I. GO AHEAD AND
FINISH YOUR PRAYER.
Wait a minute. I want to
ask you a question. Do you always listen to my prayers?
--EVERY WORD. EVERY TIME.
Then how come you never talked
back to me before?
---HOW MANY CHANCES HAVE YOU
GIVE ME? THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME
BETWEEN YOUR "AMEN" AND YOUR
HEAD HITTING THE PILLOW FOR ME TO
TAKE A BREATH. HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO GIVE AN ANSWER?
You could, if you really wanted
to.
--NO. I COULD IF YOU REALLY
WANTED ME TO. CHILD, I ALWAYS WANT TO.
Father, I am sorry. Will
you forgive me?
--I ALREADY HAVE AND THANKS FOR
LETTING ME INTERRUPT. I GET LONELY TO TALK TO YOU SOMETIMES.
GOOD NIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
Good night. And I love you, too.
Adapted by Ted L. Gibbons