Things I, the Cat, Must Try To Remember!
(author unknown)
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
* I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
* If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
* The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.
* If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
* Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
* I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".
* No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.
* If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.
* My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.
* The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.
* I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
* I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
* It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.
* The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.
* If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.
* I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
* The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.
* I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my parts grow back.
* If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

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