AUDIO STICKY NOTES

Hello, my name is Mark, and I'm a recovering voice pad addict.

It's still a little hard for me to speak about it, so please forgive me if ... if ... if I struggle sometimes.

I thought it was innocent when I started. Just a little present for my dear Muffy. Oh Muffy! If I had only known!

I saw the little voice pad at the department store. You know, those little devices that allow you to "record" a short message for playback when you hit the button. It was right next to the portable phones, and I thought, "Hey! What a delightful little present for Muffy!" So I picked it up and bought it. Along with an Eagles CD and some shaving cream.

Muffy thought it looked corporate. Too black. Not enough color. But she gave me her sweet little smile and scrunched up her little nose. She's so cute when she does that! Then she gave me a little peck on the cheek and we shared one of her fantastic peach and kiwi croissants.

Life was bliss.

The next morning I noticed the little box clipped to the visor in my Acura. So I pushed the button. "Thank you for the present, sweetie! It's so cute! Please pick up some bagels on your way home. Bye!"

So my Muffy still loves me, I thought. And I did remember to pick up the bagels that evening. Muffy gave me another peck and a big squeeze. She's so cute when she does that!

The next day there was another message. "Love you, cutie!" That's all. But it was enough.

Every day there was something new. A new nickname. Another request for bagels or milk or cream cheese. A reminder about my dental appointment.

Two weeks later I saw another voice pad. This one was peach and violet, perfect for my Muffy. So I bought it.

The next morning I left it on her pillow before I went to work. "I love you, my little powderpuff!" She loved it, too.

Two days later my parents called and invited us to go to dinner with them. Muffy was at her exercise class, and I had to run to the driving range, so I left her a note on her pad. Worked like a charm.

The next day I had another message from Muffy. "Loved dinner! Let's do it again next week. Just the two of us." Muy romantic! So I left a message for her: "Will do, my furry little pet! Tuesday at seven." And I left it on the kitchen table.

Her reply was in my voice pad (Muffy was cycling). "Great! I'll get a new dress for the occasion."

Dinner with just the two of us was even better, so I left Muffy a message the next morning, telling her how much I adored her new dress. When I returned home, I heard her message, "Thank you! I really think yellow is my color. I'll be back from the mall at eight. Ta ta!"

I'm sure Muffy and I aren't the only ones with active lives. I know most of the people at work are the same way. And I thought the voice pads were helping. They really did allow us to stay in touch.

It's just that ... eventually ... it became easier to use the voice pads than it was to just talk when we saw each other. If I wanted something special for dinner, it was easier to leave a message for Muffy than it was to walk into the next room and ask her. And if Muffy wanted me to do something, I'd find out from the voice pad instead of from her.

In fact, I don't even think I can face Muffy anymore. She's got just the cutest little face! I can't even imagine that voice coming out of her mouth any more. It seems like it belongs to the voice pad, not to her.

I've tried going cold turkey. I took both voice padsand tossed them in the trash. But Muffy found them. She also bought more, in case I tried it again.

I tried to get help from my friends at work, but none of them would answer my voice mail messages. I wanted to talk about it in my golf foursome, but the words just wouldn't come out. How could I talk about voice pads when all they want to talk about is their new car or their latest sale?

Can you help me?

Please?