From Kyuden Bayushi
7 March 2006
by Everett Johnson

I have often thought during the past week that I would be better off had I not come to Winter Court. I am no courtier, to maneuver the currents of politics, but a man of action and the sword. I am also no magistrate, to judge the guilt or innocence of others.

I cannot speak in a letter of all that has happened, in just the first week of Court, though I shall tell you all when we again meet. I have been chosen by one I would never have imagined to perform a pair of duties straight out of my worst nightmares. One may result in the death or disgrace of one of my friends, and the other may turn the entire weight of the families of two other friends against me. While I am honored to have been chosen, I wish these duties could have been given to somebody else. I feel as if the weight of all of Seikitsu sano Yama no Oi are on my shoulders.

When I spoke with my oldest friend about the first task, for the first time I can think of, I am not sure I believe or trust his words. I truly hope he spoke the truth, and that my source of information was mistaken. If he did not, however, I do not know that I will ever be able to completely trust his word again. I pray that I am not forced to denounce him openly, and especially that I do not have to kill him. I will make every effort to spare his life, even if it comes to a choice between his death and mine. At this point, however, I have little hope that I can find a solution that will allow both myself and my friend to leave Winter Court alive and with honor intact. The Heavens may have their own say in the matter, but I do not wish my friend to die.

At least I should have several years, at the least, to think on the second task before it becomes necessary to act. There should be plenty of time to find a solution that will not shatter my new friends' happiness. I worked too hard to help them find their new joy, and it would destroy me to have to turn that happiness into despair, rage, or hatred. I especially hope I am able to find an answer less drastic and permanent than the first one that was implemented.

I know I may not be making much sense, but I had a need to express my thoughts and feelings in some way. I promise to make it up to you if I am able to see you again. It is entirely possible that I may not survive this Court. If not, know that I love you with all my heart. Farewell.