Meditations on Failure
12 March 2006
by Everett Johnson

The room was too small. There was insufficient room for pacing, had he been inclined to pace. The decorations and furniture were just enough to be somewhat disruptive to meditation, and yet not intrusive enough to be easily ignored. The colors ... it was hard to say why the colors were disturbing. It was almost as if the room had been designed specifically to make a swordsman from the Dragon Clan uncomfortable. Tetsujin saw none of it. He was completely lost within his own mind.

He had failed. Isa- Seppun Takako-san lay dead in a conference room below, slain by Togashi Ayako in an attempt to avert a dark fate in the far future. Ayako was also dead, killed while fleeing by a desperate effort from Shinjo Yul-san and Seppun Nikana-san. Tetsujin had contributed nothing to her defeat. He had been unable to do anything against the poison administered by the monk. He had utterly failed to do anything to prevent or avenge Takako's death, and now sat suspect in the matter, confined in seclusion.

Togashi Ayako had failed. She had failed to live up to the standards of the Thunder Dragon. Instead of acting with courage and honor, she had chosen the coward's tool of poison. Instead of facing the consequences, she fled in apparent fear. Bushido, and every principle of the true warrior, had clearly been beyond her. She had also failed to consider fully the words of the Thunder Dragon. "The son of Isawa Takako will be a threat to the Empire." Not "might be a threat." Not "she might have a son." Tetsujin had no idea how it might be fulfilled, but the prophecy was clear enough. There may still be a way for a son of Takako's to become a threat. And Ayako's actions could very well provide the motive for such a threat to arise. Vengeance. Better by far to have watched over the newly wed couple. Tetsujin had already been well placed to maintain a close watch on the two and their children, and had intended just that. Ayako's rash act had destroyed those possibilities.

Seppun Nikana had failed. Failed to protect the life of his new wife. Ayako had been too skilled, too fast, and had the element of surprise on her side. Nikana had simply been unprepared for the encounter with the unbalanced Ayako. Here, the failure lay not in Nikana's skill, but in information and advance warning. Much of the blame for that lay with Tetsujin, rather than Nikana. When faced with the ambush that took the life of Takako, as soon as he could, Nikana's actions delivered revenge, not only for Takako's death, but also, unknowing, for the death of her first husband years ago.

Tetsujin cocked his head. It sounded like there were voices outside. Somebody had arrived.

Shosuro Ridachi had clearly needed to vent his anger and frustration. How much of his tirade was prompted by that need, and how much would last when emotions had calmed, remained to be seen.

Here, again, Tetsujin had failed. It seemed unlikely that the Dragon's words about Ridachi's heritage were mistaken, especially with Ridachi's slip during his rant. In calling bushido a tool used by "you samurai," Ridachi had provided confirmation enough, despite his earlier evasions. Tetsujin had apparently failed to sufficiently earn Ridachi's trust. Tetsujin sincerely wished to bring the matter to a close in a manner that would confirm Ridachi in his public status, rather than ending in Ridachi's death. The last thing Tetsujin wished was for a public accusation. If need be, he would call on Doji Kurohito-sama's favor to add his voice to Tetsujin's in presenting a petition to the Emperor on behalf of Ridachi.

Shosuro Ridachi had failed. Failed to discover enough about the monk and her intentions. Failed to press Tetsujin enough for answers about the monk. Failed to reconfirm Tetsujin's trust in him. Perhaps Tetsujin had been to blame for failing to entrust the information about Takako's child and Ayako's involvement, but it was difficult to trust a man who would not admit the truth when confronted with it, or deny a falsehood in unmistakable terms. Trust aside, Ridachi's resources and connections within the Scorpion clan and, Tetsujin assumed, within the palace's servants and staff, should have provided him some warning or confirmation of Ayako's actions. It seemed, however, that he was more concerned with personal matters, and discovering the secrets of those close to him than those he did not know.

There were many people who had failed this day. Unfortunately, Tetsujin was certain his failures were the greatest, and largest in number. He had failed to embrace the virtues the Thunder Dragon represented, and had hesitated for fear of the prophecy being misinterpreted. He had failed to consider the possibility that his conversation with Ayako may have caused her to act rashly, especially once she told him of the true fate of Takako's first husband. He had failed to place his trust in Nikana and Seppun Kiharu-sama, who were specifically tasked with defending the Emperor, especially from within the ranks of their own. He had known more about Ayako and her intentions than any other. He had failed, and now Is- Seppun Takako would be forever absent.

There was now no way to know if speaking earlier would have averted the death, and there was no way to know if his search for advice from the monk had sparked her actions. The uncertainty would weigh on Tetsujin's soul forever, however short his life may be. The Emperor had summoned him, and his failures might only be redeemable through death. If so, the price seemed far too light.

Fire's chosen servant
Voice now silenced forever
Fresh snow; the world mourns