[CANSLIM] Humor: New Financial Lingo

From: Dave Cameron <dfcameron@yahoo.com>
Subject: [CANSLIM] Humor: New Financial Lingo
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 19:37:25 -0700 (PDT)

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> New Financial Lingo
>
>
> EBITDA: earnings before I tricked damn auditor.
>
>
> EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
>
>
> CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
>
>
> CFO: corporate fraud officer.
>
>
> NAV: normal Andersen valuation.
>
>
> FRS: fantasy reporting standards.
>
>
> P/E: parole entitlement.
>
>
> EPS: eventual prison sentence.
>
>
> BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
> mistake
> himself for a financial genius.
>
>
> BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no
> allowance, the
> wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
>
>
> MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
>
>
> VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E
> RATIO --
> The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps
> crashing.
>
>
> BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
>
>
> "BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as
> you step
> off the plane.
>
>
> STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. (That would be me, and
> getting
> poorer everyday)
>
>
> STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
>
>
> STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
> equally
> between themselves.
>
>
> FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when
> he runs
> to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
>
>
> MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
>
>
> CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down
> the
> toilet.
>
>
> YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for
> $240 per
> share.
>
>
> WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that
> bought
> Yahoo @ $240 per share.
>
>
> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in
> a
> nuthouse.
>
>
> PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God

=====
Dave Cameron
dfcameron@yahoo.com

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