Go to Jeff Salisbury LWGate Home Page.From: "zillagirl" <zillagirl@msn.com>
Subject: [CANSLIM] we all need a good ha ha
Date: Tue, 11 Feb 2003 01:52:20 -0800
Previous Article (by Author): [CANSLIM] RADA Vanchee1@aol.com
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This is a multi-part message in MIME format. - ------=_NextPart_000_000B_01C2D170.36B26B00 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Subject: Two Cows=20 > >=20 > > This is a really clever version on the differences between different = > > political philosophies :=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > DEMOCRAT:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > Your neighbor has none.=20 > > You feel guilty for being successful.=20 > > You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,forcing you = to=20 > > sell=20 > > one to raise money to pay the tax.=20 > > The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give = it to=20 > > your neighbor.=20 > > You feel righteous.=20 > > Barbara Streisand sings for you.=20 > >=20 > > SOCIALIST:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.=20 > > You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.=20 > >=20 > > REPUBLICAN:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > Your neighbor has none.=20 > > So?=20 > >=20 > > COMMUNIST:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > The government seizes both and provides you with milk.=20 > > You wait in line for hours to get it.=20 > > It is expensive and sour.=20 > >=20 > > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.=20 > >=20 > > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to = support a=20 > > man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from = your=20 > > government.=20 > >=20 > > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays = you for=20 > > the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.=20 > >=20 > > AMERICAN CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd = one.=20 > > You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.=20 > > You are surprised when one cow drops dead.=20 > > You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized = and=20 > > are reducing expenses.=20 > > Your stock goes up.=20 > >=20 > > FRENCH CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You go on strike because you want three cows.=20 > > You go to lunch.=20 > > Life is good.=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > JAPANESE CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow = and=20 > > produce twenty times the milk.=20 > > They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.=20 > > Most are at the top of their class at cow school.=20 > >=20 > > GERMAN CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give=20 > > excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.=20 > > Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.=20 > >=20 > > ITALIAN CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows but you don't know where they are.=20 > > While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.=20 > > You break for lunch.=20 > > Life is good.=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > RUSSIAN CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two cows.=20 > > You count them and learn you have five cows.=20 > > You have some more vodka.=20 > > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.=20 > > You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.=20 > > You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.=20 > > You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.=20 > > The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. = > >=20 > >=20 > > TALIBAN CORPORATION:=20 > > You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.=20 > > You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private = parts.=20 > > Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were = in the=20 > > hospital.=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > POLISH CORPORATION:=20 > > You have two bulls.=20 > > Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > FLORIDA CORPORATION:=20 > > You have a black cow and a brown cow.=20 > > Everyone votes for the best looking one.=20 > > Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black = one.=20 > > Some people vote for both.=20 > > Some people vote for neither.=20 > > Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.=20 > > Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is=20 > > thebest-looking one.=20 > >=20 > >=20 > > NEW YORK CORPORATION:=20 > > You have fifteen million cows.=20 > > You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you = pick=20 > > some cow from Arkansas.=20 > >=20 > >=20 - ------=_NextPart_000_000B_01C2D170.36B26B00 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; = charset=3Diso-8859-1"> <META content=3D"MSHTML 6.00.2800.1126" name=3DGENERATOR> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Subject: Two Cows <BR>> > = <BR>> > This=20 is a really clever version on the differences between different <BR>> = >=20 political philosophies : <BR>> > <BR>> > <BR>> > = DEMOCRAT:=20 <BR>> > You have two cows. <BR>> > Your neighbor has none. = <BR>>=20 > You feel guilty for being successful. <BR>> > You vote people = into=20 office that put a tax on your cows,forcing you to <BR>> > sell = <BR>>=20 > one to raise money to pay the tax. <BR>> > The people you = voted for=20 then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to <BR>> > your = neighbor.=20 <BR>> > You feel righteous. <BR>> > Barbara Streisand sings = for you.=20 <BR>> > <BR>> > SOCIALIST: <BR>> > You have two cows. = <BR>>=20 > The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. <BR>> = > You=20 form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. <BR>> > = <BR>>=20 > REPUBLICAN: <BR>> > You have two cows. <BR>> > Your = neighbor=20 has none. <BR>> > So? <BR>> > <BR>> > COMMUNIST: = <BR>> >=20 You have two cows. <BR>> > The government seizes both and provides = you=20 with milk. <BR>> > You wait in line for hours to get it. <BR>> = > It=20 is expensive and sour. <BR>> > <BR>> > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN = STYLE:=20 <BR>> > You have two cows. <BR>> > You sell one, buy a bull, = and=20 build a herd of cows. <BR>> > <BR>> > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN = STYLE:=20 <BR>> > You have two cows. <BR>> > The government taxes you = to the=20 point you have to sell both to support a <BR>> > man in a foreign = country=20 who has only one cow, which was a gift from your <BR>> > = government.=20 <BR>> > <BR>> > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: <BR>> > = You have=20 two cows. <BR>> > The government takes them both, shoots one, = milks the=20 other, pays you for <BR>> > the milk, and then pours the milk down = the=20 drain. <BR>> > <BR>> > AMERICAN CORPORATION: <BR>> > = You have=20 two cows. <BR>> > You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do = an IPO on=20 the 2nd one. <BR>> > You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of = four=20 cows. <BR>> > You are surprised when one cow drops dead. <BR>> = > You=20 spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and = <BR>>=20 > are reducing expenses. <BR>> > Your stock goes up. <BR>> = >=20 <BR>> > FRENCH CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have two cows. = <BR>> >=20 You go on strike because you want three cows. <BR>> > You go to = lunch.=20 <BR>> > Life is good. <BR>> > <BR>> > <BR>> > = JAPANESE=20 CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have two cows. <BR>> > You redesign = them so=20 they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and <BR>> > produce = twenty=20 times the milk. <BR>> > They learn to travel on unbelievably = crowded=20 trains. <BR>> > Most are at the top of their class at cow school. = <BR>>=20 > <BR>> > GERMAN CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have two cows. = <BR>>=20 > You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give = <BR>>=20 > excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. <BR>> = >=20 Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. <BR>> = >=20 <BR>> > ITALIAN CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have two cows but = you don't=20 know where they are. <BR>> > While ambling around, you see a = beautiful=20 woman. <BR>> > You break for lunch. <BR>> > Life is good. = <BR>>=20 > <BR>> > <BR>> > RUSSIAN CORPORATION: <BR>> > You = have two=20 cows. <BR>> > You count them and learn you have five cows. = <BR>> >=20 You have some more vodka. <BR>> > You count them again and learn = you have=20 42 cows. <BR>> > You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. = <BR>>=20 > You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. <BR>> = > You=20 produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. <BR>> > The = Mafia=20 shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. <BR>> > = <BR>> > <BR>> > TALIBAN CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have = all the=20 cows in Afghanistan, which are two. <BR>> > You don't milk them = because=20 you cannot touch any creature's private parts. <BR>> > Then you = kill them=20 and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the <BR>> > = hospital.=20 <BR>> > <BR>> > <BR>> > POLISH CORPORATION: <BR>> = > You=20 have two bulls. <BR>> > Employees are regularly maimed and killed=20 attempting to milk them. <BR>> > <BR>> > <BR>> > = FLORIDA=20 CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have a black cow and a brown cow. = <BR>> >=20 Everyone votes for the best looking one. <BR>> > Some of the = people who=20 like the brown one best, vote for the black one. <BR>> > Some = people vote=20 for both. <BR>> > Some people vote for neither. <BR>> > Some = people=20 can't figure out how to vote at all. <BR>> > Finally, a bunch of = guys from=20 out-of-state tell you which is <BR>> > thebest-looking one. = <BR>> >=20 <BR>> > <BR>> > NEW YORK CORPORATION: <BR>> > You have = fifteen=20 million cows. <BR>> > You have to choose which one will be the = leader of=20 the herd, so you pick <BR>> > some cow from Arkansas. <BR>> = >=20 <BR>> > </FONT><BR></DIV></BODY></HTML> - ------=_NextPart_000_000B_01C2D170.36B26B00-- - - - -To subscribe/unsubscribe, email "majordomo@xmission.com" - -In the email body, write "subscribe canslim" or - -"unsubscribe canslim". 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