An early profile I wrote on LDSSO back in 10/26/2002Happy


Greeting From plporter!

49 years old (as of 2005)
5' 8" tall
Blonde Hair
Blue Eyes
Graduate Work/Degree
Occupation: Computers/IT
5 Children/ 1.1 at home
Mission: Italy
Frequently Attends Church (2002)
Endowed, Temple Recommend, Temple Worthy (2002)

I enjoy having fun with active and interesting women. What I like most is being in the presence of a pleasant women, whether it is on the dance floor or the kitchen floor, (taking my turn at mopping or cooking). I enjoy laughing and making friends laugh. Humor is very important to me. I put MY family FIRST. I attended Sacrament meeting every week, (2002) but not every single meeting. I love Sunday afternoon naps. I am not in a hurry to marry the wrong person, but the right one.... ;) I love basketball enjoy Kick boxing when I get the time. I was a great Mr. Mom; I did all the cleaning, cooking and ironing, till my two older boys moved on. The oldest boy just went on a mission to Brazil. The youngest left for USU. (then a year later for England) I spend time with my youngest daughter as often as I can, and call my oldest daughter at least once a week. We are going on a trip to DC in December. I just certified for SCUBA and I love it; I should have done it years ago. Any gals out there looking for a new SCUBA partner?

Perry PorterThis is a test of the Emergency BROAD System. [B.R.O.A.D. Be Right Over Again Dear, Backup Relation Or Alternative Date, Been Related Or Already Divorced.] If this had been an actual emergency, all local BROADS would be asked to report in for active duty. This only a test, therefore a women, friend, or companion fulfills all current requirements according to FCC, FDA, & CTR regulations. LDSSO and other area dating services in voluntary cooperation with the Federal, State and local general authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of a dating emergency. The recent Sever storm watch has expired and smoother sailing is forecasted for the next 24 to 48 years. The "warning" to move to higher ground to avoid contact with contaminated males had been revised to a "caution", with the proviso to continue to keep an watchful eye out for future storms on the horizon. The user "PLPORTER" serves the Utah valley and Salt Lake area. Changing social commitments, updates, warnings and tentative dates should be directed to this web site for possible attention. A dating emergency on YOUR part may not constitute a dating emergency on MY part, therefore local jurisdiction and first right of refusal is retained by this user. This concludes this test of the Emergency BROAD System. We now return you to your regular programming, which is a work in progress. ...."yes Oprah, I have been a doormat in the past for the witty & beautiful, but that was the old me, I'm getting younger with every lesson I learn". I am currently seeking internships with the Young and the Rested. Oprah, after my 3rd appearance on Jerry Springer, I saw a side of myself that I didn't know existed. I am now working very hard, to be less dull, more talented, never rude, unselfish & more forgiving, so that I can attract the best women.

Where would I be now if my 14th wife not clubbed me on the head with a chair.

They are real chairs Oprah, and they hurt both the head & the heart! From that pain, came the realization that to be loved by you, I DO have to give up being Honest, Funny, Sensitive, Passionate and Communicative. Oprah quarries, "Perry did you get medical treatment for that head injury..... We interrupt this broadcast for an important announcement. This is a test of the Emergency BROAD System.

Please where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Carmen, where are you??? I have kept an eye out for you at the local church & Dee's type dances. While searching for you, I kept busy going to dance classes, so when we meet, we can have fun dancing together. I don't know if I dance as well as I imagine that you do,Happy but I'm working on it. Carmen, I have looked for you in so many places. On the ski hill as well underwater, when taking scuba lessons. I once I thought I saw you, Happybut it turned out to be just a Mermaid with fin rot. I have not climbed every mountain, yet, but when I was last rock climbing I only looked up, assuming you above me. (I hate to look down when climbing.) I've been to many dating seminars trying to learn to be more ready for when I find you. I was also hoping to run into you there, but I didn't, yet. For years I have watched for you at the gym, but maybe you don't like Kickboxing. I looked for you for a month in Europe, & thought it was you in the subway in Paris giving me directions in broken English, while I attempted French with an Italian accent. But that huge cold sore, threw me off the trail. You are so cleaver. Even at the store, I paid attention, but maybe you don't cook as much as I do. I have searched unusual places such as Ice Hockey, but you might have been wearing a "dating" hockey mask. The last time I went to the Opera I didn't look at all for you since I was on a date.

HappyIf you like opera, I'll have to go this year & look this time. It is hard to look for you at BYU football & Basketball games, because there are so many women there. (Plus I tend to watch the game.) It is too bad that we still haven't met, because I would have loved to have shared the Academy awards with you, as I really love movies of all kinds, even the so called "chick flicks". I thought I met you a few years back, but after time I learned I was wrong, but I learned a lot. You are so elusive, that I must stay resolved to be on my toes to catch you even if you aren't looking. I imagine that you communicate very well & have a great sense of humor. Some sensitive women seem like doubles for you, because they have a passion for life. This can distract me from finding if they are honest to the core, like the real Carmen San Diego. In my heart of hearts I have always longed for you, & look forward to loving you, & being loved in return. I pray that you really exist & that you don't elude me forever. P. S. Just slip up once so I can have a fair chance.

Have you been emotionally injured by your former spouse? Have you been the victim of marital malpractice? Are you the victim of catastrophic infidelity? You have come to the right place, at Porter & TBD; 'We feel your pain'. We know how devastating a breakup can be. We have over 14 years of experience as the victim of a spousal "Accident". We are ready to help meet your emotional needs. Communication happens on a daily basis. Your phone calls will be returned, & your emails answered to your satisfaction or we won't call back either. Once you become a client you will feel the reassurance that we are faithful to the pursuit of your mental health & emotional security. Do you have a constant pain in the neck, or are you one?

Perry PorterEither way, we can work it out. We have a lifetime of Honesty that will hold up in any court. Our stock portfolio documents that during the last 2 years we have grown significantly. We have learned much from the 20-year contract that was dissolved 3 years ago. We no longer repeat past mistakes or will we tolerate another breach of contract that led to the 1999 corporate breakup.

A Sense of Humor is essential, PERIOD. If you have previously sought professional help & are mostly healed from your previous injuries, cost of services can be reduced. We accept clients at many levels of recovery. We are Sensitive to your feelings & past experience. You will find that we are Passionate about everything we do. We are looking to add another partner to the firm, from among our recovered clients. Free initial consultation available, (weekend appointments preferred). We no longer accept "pro bono" work, (if you won't try, why should I). Any future significant alliance will be on equal footing. Written applications only, with an accompanying photo.

Photo's of the accident or other parties that caused the accident should not be sent with the initial inquiry, & can not be returned. (If they were not worth keeping, then why would we want them?) At Porter & TBD, if you don't feel richer for having been with us, we will return all your old heartache to its original state of being, fee of charge. Communication, Honesty, Sense of humor, Sensitivity, Passion. C.H.S.S.P. What does it spell? NOTHING! What does it mean? EVERYTHING! FAQ: I am not Siegfried or Jenson. I am straight.

I don't own any cats, dogs or tigers. === BTW I just bought new skis, intermediate skier. Show some interest & maybe we could share a two for one pass?

Perry PorterHey, I voted for Al Gore, shoot me. :) What's more important politics or romance? I'm more of a liberal democrat, than a chauvinist from the most conservative, Republican County in the US. However, I feel much more passionate about cruelty to children, than to animals. Pissing off irrational fundamentalist Muslims is not the best way to spend billions of dollars or get a good nights sleep. I want to go to dances, after I am married & continue that learning process which keeps my mind & body alive.

If given the choice between Jazz tickets & the Opera, I'd choose the Opera, unless they are playing Dallas (now Phoenix, Nash rules). I am a Renaissance guy, whose fondest memory of Europe was spending hours virtually alone in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence. I am a creative guy, just check out my bathroom. I enjoy a BYU or a Ute game. I am what I am, I don't plan to change or pretend to be someone else, just for a relationship. Above all I am passionate, loving & funny as hell. (Probably going there some day. Need a ride?). I'm too honest for my own good. I am kinder to others, than they usually are to me, but I'm working on that. ;-) I love exercise & activities such as rock climbing. I miss intellectual discussions about movies. It is better to watch a good R movie than a bad PG-13! I'd rather watch a movie that shows an affair then live a real one, on either side of the fence. I will never be with someone again that does not laugh with me, & makes me laugh. I love the Simpsons; they are Perry Porternot role models for children or adults, THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY! If the Simpsons are wrong, I don't want to be right. If the milk is sour on Sunday morning, I will slip out, get milk, then hide the shopping bag, so my children will not be upset. Which do I feel guilty about, shopping or covering my tracks? The latter. I am very sensitive to the needs & desires of my children & significant other. Over time I became less sensitive to my spouse. After the divorce, I was very sensitive to the needs of my girl friend. (Next time I'm going to marry my girl friend / best friend, rather than hoping that my wife would become my best fiend.) My children are conservative republicans from Utah County. I am no more interested in changing them, (they are great kids) than I am changing you! I just want to meet someone where I can be accepted for whom I am not what someone expects me to be. If this scares you off, GREAT, if it doesn't, then even better! Drop me a line & see if you can be as straight up.

I guess it is time to come out of the closet and admit what others may have sensed at times about me, that I am just not as gay as I want to be.

(Happy)      I remember years ago my former spouse emailing me one Friday afternoon and saying that she didn't feel I was as gay as I should be. And that she was not as gay as she felt she could be. She felt getting into therapy again was going to be temporary again. We decided that neither of us were going to be as gay as we could be if we continued to stay married to each other.

She was right. As we are often told by other, even religious leaders, no one else can make us gay, we have to be responsible to make ourselves gay.

I have been on LDS Singles for 4 years now and have re-written my profile about 5 times. I have tried simplicity, humor and just plain straight talk. Google perry porter and you may find my previous profile attempts. It has been a 5 year journey toward gayness. At times I have been very gay and others times gayness has eluded me. I find lots of joy with my children, but I want more. I want something special that you only get when you are connected and truly gay together with a wonderful women.

I have friends that say don't concentrate on women if you want to be gay. Do activities that make you feel gay and women will naturally be attracted to that and they will find you, rather than you chase them. I love rock climbing and that gay feeling inside when you reach the top of the wall, "Kiss the chains" and slide back down. Kick boxing is also great the young fit 20 year old women inspire me to work as hard and they do. Being around them makes me feel young, and the endorphins that I get there just makes me just feel gay to be alive.

People that know me, know that I am sensitive with people and passionate about most everything I do. Sometimes Communication is less than perfect, I sometimes use the wrong words at times, but I am getting better. When it comes to honesty have you ever read a profile that is more forthright? Some people like to dwell on the BoM saying "Wickedness never was gayness". I am one in a million and I chose to define what Wickedness is to me. After all I am in charge of my working out my own salvation, not just blindly obeying someone's plan of what will ultimately make us gay.
Some people say I have a dry sense of humor? Where the hell do they get that idea?

Do you remember the old church film, "Man's Search for Gayness"? Well honestly I don't remember much about it either other then Bryce Chamberlain was a BYU religion professor; he played in more than one memorable church film and had really good hair in his day. While some of the message of the movie may have been lost on me, some images were not. He always looked like a gay man to me, with that big smile, the Twinkle in this eye and his hair so finely quaffed.

I finish now with a few quotes about seeking gayness.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly gay in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.
- Tom Bodett

The best way for a person to have gay thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash. There is no goal better than this one: to know as you lie on your deathbed that you lived your true life, and you did whatever made you gay.
- Steve Chandler 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself

Most people are about as gay as they make up their minds to be.
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"The reason people find it so hard to be gay is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be" Marcel Pagnol (French Writer, Producer and Film Director, 1895-1974)

"A gay person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." - Hugh Downs

"Gayness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them" - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

Money never made a man gay yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce gayiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one. - Benjamin Franklin

"Why would I need to see other women? You have more than enough personalities to keep me gay" - How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days

It never made me gay to hear people tell me this saying:
"You can't lose something that you never had" - How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days

Being gay doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.
- Unknown

We all live with the objective of being gay; our lives are all different and yet the same.
- Anne Frank

Did you ever see an ungay horse? Did you ever see a bird that has the blues? One reason why birds and horses are not ungay is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.
- Dale Carnegie


I am just not as gay as I used to be, or as gay as I want to someday be, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Of course it could be something as simple as a communication problem, like using outdated vocabulary.

Now I hope there are not guys out there that may think I am one of those happy men, not that there is anything wrong with that, but you would just be barking up the wrong skirt.

You know that didn't sound quite right, any English majors out there?

Ciao Perry

This is a draft of a profile that I wrote for a cool friend of my at work. it was a bit to catty for her. :^)


The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play.

So we sat there at work All that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Perry. We sat there, we two.

And I said, "How I wish I had someone for you!"

Too wet to go out. And too cold to play ball.

So we sat at our desks at the end of the hall.

Then something went BUMP!

How that bump made us jump!

My email popped up with another alert, telling me I just got another fun Flirt.

Oh please may it not be another pervert!

I signed up again, not paying a dime, not living on cash. Is visa a crime?

I must change my profile of Military brat,

to that cool chick I am, to the "Catch in the Hat".

I sometimes wear caps when traveling the globe,

but never indoors which would be an art-phoebe.

Humanities diploma I keep under my hat,

I'm not an egghead, who's head is too fat.

How can I get the guys who'r on-line,

to take time to read me and drop me a line?

Brag about callings I've had up the Ying-Yang?

Or photo's clipped off the cover of Bing-Bang?

I'll choose to be honest and take one more chance,

that I'll make you laugh till you pee in your pants.

Many a movie I've been to with friends,

only to wish we had all brought Depends.

My sense of humor is nothing to laugh at,

I'd never fit in as somebody's door mat.

You have to be smart, and enjoy the theater,

be able to burp, yet sup with the creator.

History and Art fills my life much like Music.

Would you ever made love while watching John Cussic?

Family & friends know what this cats' all about,

to spend time with me, they'll first check YOU out.

[ In loving memory of my great friend Martha, who is still alive and well but I don't see her very day at work anymore, so wonderful past memories is what I get to keep of her. ]

A funny little exchange at work, that shows a bit of my quirky humor.

From: Tanya
Sent: Tuesday, March 22, 2005 4:25 PM
Subject: FW: Your thoughts...

Next Wednesday We will have the opportunity to host a visit from Congressman Jim Matheson. Due in part to the exposure received at the Give Kids A Smile Day, Congressman Matheson expressed interest in learning more about (our company) and in meeting with Executive Management to discuss dental industry issues. Because of his tight schedule, Congressman Matheson will only be in our building for a little over an hour, starting at 9:00 am, but you may have the opportunity to see him or shake his hand as he takes a tour of the facility.

We would appreciate your assistance in tidying your work areas and ensuring that you and your areas are looking professional on Monday.


From: Porter, Perry
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 12:42 PM
To: Tanya
Subject: RE: Your thoughts...

I was thinking that It might be a nice idea to maybe have the hand full of Democrats that work hear, meet Congressman Matheson separately, he may enjoy meeting the few Democrats in the most Republican district, in the most Republican State in the United States.

What do you think?

Perry L. Porter, Democrat since 1986.

From: Tanya
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 1:09 PM
To: Porter, Perry
Subject: RE: Your thoughts...

I'm laughing!!

From: Porter, Perry
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 2:12 PM
To: Tanya
Subject: RE: Your thoughts...

Hey! I really am a Democrat! Really, by choice. There has got to be at least ONE more Democrat in the building ....

You might want to check the closets. ;)

From: Tanya
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 2:20 PM
To: Porter, Perry
Subject: RE: Your thoughts...

No, really, I'm still laughing. Actually – there are several people up here that are democrats. In fact, my boss K. is related to Wayne Owens (now deceased, but you couldn't get more Democrat than him in the state of Utah!).

From: Porter, Perry
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 6:12 PM
To: Tanya
Subject: RE: Your thoughts...

Well this is a little know fact, and kind of a family secret, but I am the illegitimate child of Wayne Owens, and Jacqueline L. Bouvier Kennedy,
(unfortunately I got Wayne's looks, otherwise I would be rich and famous).

As a small child I was smuggled out of Kittybunkport, to be raised in a small farming town in Wyoming, near Fort Bridger.

I was raised Republican, but deep down inside, it just didn't feel right, or it could have been a bad reaction to corporal punishment, or too much Deer meat, or just the cold weather. Whatever it was, politically, I was not at peace. I didn't fit in and don't that much now, for that matter.

We moved to Delta Utah in the mid 70's back when Wane was doing his 1st walk across the State. Wayne came to our small school. I vividly remember the
feeling I had when he spoke to our student body. I was very conflicted inside with the liberal view that Wayne was promoting on the rather conservative children of this farming community, in spite of Delta being the life long residence of the 20+ year minority (D) leader of the Utah Senate, Thorp Waddingham. I passed off Wayne's spiel as some kind of mind controlled babblings of a Communist sympathizer. (I really did at the time, really) More than 1 decade later, and after being further raised and educated by liberal feminist via the internet, I came to see Wayne as the true father figure that he literally was.

Yes I voted for Al Gore, before it was seen as trendy. I voted for Kerry, first of all and foremost, because it rhymes with Perry. My goodness what rhymes with George? When else will I get to vote for someone who's names rhymes with Perry? Unfortunately I was busy looking for a female liberal democrat, during the election, so I was not able to help Kerry, carry Utah.

I know that the visit is suppose to be all about Jim, but why? Why not make it about ME!

He has got to know more eligible, single, female, attractive, cultured, fit, liberal Democrats, than you, me or K. put together.

Jim may remember me as one of the volunteers at the Give Kids a Smile day, I working with the High Tech - Digital Equipment, and at one point he was standing observing all the frenetic activity, when all of a sudden, I had to walk past him to get to some other equipment. I walked right up next to him next and passed within mere feet. He glanced at me and I glanced right back. But then again, maybe he will not remember me that well. I wasn't exactly sure it was him, as he looks a little bit different in person, than on TV, and I do as well.

So I am simply asking for a small audience with the Congressman, for say 15 to 20 minutes of chit chat, before I pop the big question.

It may seem like a small gesture for the Congressman, but it has the potential of being life altering for me!

I'm thinking that I should send a cover letter, so he can be thinking in those veins, so he can come prepared with some really good names, or maybe phone numbers too.


PS, I'm not sure how to add this, but I just thought I should make this point completely clear, while I am looking for a woman with a beautiful mind, with whom I can have stimulating conversations. I am also looking for the "Full meal deal" as it were, i.e. a female democrat, which is attracted primarily to MALES, if you know what I mean? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is MY preference, and hopefully theirs also.

PPS I thought I should also add that I most likely will NOT be cleaning up my work area, as a liberal democrat, in the most conservative county on the most conservative State in the Union, I try to do my little part, but being a non-conformist, whenever it causes no harm to the enviroment, or to any of its inhabitants in its many forms, be it phyical or emotional.

Perry L. Porter
Quality Assurance Engineer, ----
Phone: (801) ---.----
Fax: (801) ---.---

My new commute.

Last tank 6/20/2007 by not gunning it I got Over 50 MPG ! ! ! ! ! (with a big head wind)

(purchased June 14, 2007, Delivered Friday lunch 06/15/2007)


IS THAT a deer I see ??? !!!!!! BAM !!!


How not to do off season deer hunting with a motorcycle, inside city limits, by Perry L. Porter


Motorcycle Safety Foundation

Some links reguarding motorcycle safty