"Are you listening to me?"

• ANALYTIC LISTENING: This is the kind of listening we usually do. During Analytic Listening I am evaluating in my mind as I listen to you. I am busy judging and deciding what to say. I am analyzing. As a result, you don't feel heard. You may repeat yourself, or feel annoyed. Maybe I can even repeat back to you what I "heard" but it just doesn't feel like I listened to you.

• DEEP LISTENING: This is a rare talent. In deep listening, my mind is very quiet when I listen to you. My feeling is peaceful and curious. I don't take anything personally. I don't judge or decide or figure anything out. I don't try to remember anythin g. My mind is quiet and open. As a result, you find you don't repeat yourself as much. You feel a connection. You are likely to say, "I don't know why, but I really felt you heard me." Your feelings will become more peaceful.

Let's compare the two.

ANALYTIC LISTENING		DEEP LISTENING
MOOD: More tense, distracted, competitive, superior		MOOD: Peaceful and curious, humble and tentative.
MIND: Busy with judgment and analysis; "If you say this, it probably means you also think that." Feeling of preoccupation.		MIND: Thoughts are dropped rather than pursued. Any analysis is ignored and discarded. Feeling is inquisitive.
MEMORY: Effort made to not forget anything, so while that is going on, the listening is distracted. Fear that something might be forgotten.		MEMORY: No effort is made to remember anything. There is a quiet assurance that the mind will provide whatever memories are needed without forcing it.
CONVERSATION: Frequent interruptions, challenges, confrontations. Sometimes both talking at the same time. "Making points" or competing for who can prove the other is mistaken. Rapid pace of speech.		CONVERSATION: Mostly questions, interruptions only when the listener is confused and unclear. No confrontations or challenges. There is a slower pace, and the feeling is that there is no hurry.
RESPONSE TO BLAME: The analytic listener tries to show how the speaker is wrong; sounds defensive and closed.		RESPONSE TO BLAME: Curiousity, puzzled. May say things like, "You could be right about that." Listener is willing to consider shared blame or responsibility.
INFORMATION: is guarded and not shared openly; responses are based on whether they will achieve a goal and data are "edited" before being shared. "Be careful you don't give away an advantage."		INFORMATION: is shared openly and with trust and confidence. The listener tries to not have an agenda or a preferred way to solve the problem, so the more information on the table, the better.
PROBLEM SOLVING: Effort to force one person to accept the other's solution. Feels win-lose to both sides: "I must win or at least I must not lose. Feeling of superiority may be present, "If you would only see it my way, you would make sense."		PROBLEM SOLVING: Flashes of insight and intuition; there is a win-win attitude and solutions that would harm either party are simply rejected or ignored. Often the problem is solved in a unique or unusual way as a result of this intuition-based approach to solving problems. There is often a sense of humor or pleasure when the solution appears.

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Lynn D. Johnson, Ph.D., 166 East 5900 South, #B-108, Murray, UT 84107 Phone: (801) 261-1412 e-mail: ljohnson@inconnect.com