Top 50 Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than
- One word: Hair.
- Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
- Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
- Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
- Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
- Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
- Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
- Kirk never really got into that kinky "jumpsuit" look.
- Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale
- Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the
- Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
- Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical
- Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
- Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
- When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter,
Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship
- Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
- Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
- Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
- Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get
him out of intergalactic scrapes.
- Two words: Funky sideburns.
- Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
- Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
- Kirk is not politically correct.
- Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body
named after a letter of the alphabet.
- Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red
- Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
- If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
- Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius
- Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
- Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
- Two words: Line Delivery.
- Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing
grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa
to put himself through school.
- Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
- Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate
and charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.
(Need we say more?)
- Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
- Kirk rarely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock
- Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
- You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
- Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
- Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
- Kirk's bridge is not beige.
- Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really
cute things, like Tribbles.
- Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really
- Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
- Kirk can infiltrate Gangster, Nazis, and even the Pentagon --
- When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When
Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
- Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting
- Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
- When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
- Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
Many thanks to my sister Lisa for passing this list on to