How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be a Rotten Day

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.clock

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.cake

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.topless

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.runaway stage

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.storm

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.skull and crossbones

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Your income tax check bounces.$

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

Author Unknown ... But Troubled

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