Cold Creek Manor Year: 2003 Director: Mike Figgis Written by: Richard Jefferies Threat: Psychopath Weapon of Choice: Hammer Based upon: none IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
None

Rish's Reviews
After big-city tension threatens to destroy their family, Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone move to a big ole fixer-upper in the country. They begin renovations, but when the former owner (Stephen Dorff) comes around, they discover that the house holds a dark secret.
Sound spooky? Well, it isn't.
I really like Dennis Quaid (ever since Dreamscape), and always wanted him to be a bigger star. But ah well. Sharon Stone I'm not such a fan of. She was once as hot as San Antonio asphalt, though. Stephen Dorff makes a good villain, in that I want to bash his head in every time I see him onscreen. Hmmm, after comments like that I wonder if my medication is doing what it's supposed to.
As tyranist and I discussed afterward, Cold Creek Manor was not a successful horror film. Directed by Mike Figgis, the man behind Leaving Las Vegas and Internal Affairs, this "Thriller" failed on nearly every single point. The man seems to not have a clue when it comes to frightening an audience. Time after time, and often jarringly, a potential scare would be ruined, either by showing a person's reaction before the scare, telegraphing the shock, or simply blowing it with framing, pacing, or music.
Not to say that Mr. Figgis is not a talented director, but he was as out of his element here as Shamu in the Sahara. It would be like seeing a Merchant Ivory production directed by Quentin Tarantino. No wait, that would be much more entertaining than this was.
The only scenes that did work, as far as I could see, were the dramatic moments between family members (such as a scene between Dennis Quaid and his daughter on a swing, and one where Sharon Stone comes back to him after leaving him alone in the big scary house) and verbal conflicts between Quaid and Dorff.
True, this film was marketed as a horror movie, so I had certain expectations that weren't fufilled, but watch the film or read the script...it WAS a horror movie.
The silly lengths to which the bad guy goes to terrorize the family are...well, silly. If you're a broke killer type, do you really go to all the trouble of gathering ten thousand dollars' worth of exotic snakes and plant them in the house, one in each room, training them so that they coordinate their attack, but not actually harm anyone?
And what about the horse?
I've said in the past that horror films are not hard to make. Having seen this, I may have to re-evaluate that statement. The movie was just not enjoyable. It wasn't scary enough to be entertaining, it wasn't involving enough to be moving, it wasn't clever enough to be interesting.
I'd Recommend This To: People making a horror/suspense film who want to know what NOT to do.

The tyranist's thoughts
I recall seeing the trailer for this one for the first time and thinking, "ooooh, haunted house flick." I've said time and again that the haunted house flick is the hardest of horror movies to make. I should have known that they simply weren't marketing this one correctly. I hate that. The audience who decides to see the movie isn't the one that might enjoy it.
On the other hand, I'm not sure many people would have enjoyed this. It was a lot like watching a little kid do a magic trick after only a few minutes practice.
I'm not a big fan or any of the actors and especially not Sharon Stone, who I feel overstayed her welcome right about the time Sliver came out. As for Mike Figgis, he directed one mediocre crime drama featuring Sting, Sean Bean, and a scene that convince me I never, ever want to see Melanie Griffith naked again. In fact, Cold Creek Manor feels more like a crime drama than a horror show. If you can set a crime drama in a rural setting.
Wait! The Coen brothers have had several rural crime dramas that are brilliant. This just sucks.
You might like it; you might not. I'd wager on the side of not.

Total Skulls: 10

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?