Other movies in this series:
None

The tyranist's thoughts
Some people don't like religious horror. Sometimes it's the horror; sometimes it's the religion. I'm not sure that I've ever been in either of those camps. Especially religious horror featuring the Catholic mythos. They've got so many cool monsters. My religion doesn't have all those monsters. In fact, my religion doesn't have all those heroes either.
John Constantine is a man with a gift and a curse. His gift is that he can see dead peo. . . err . . I mean demons and angels. His curse is that he has committed an unpardonable sin and knows that he is destined for hell when he dies. In the meantime, he figures he'll try to get that unpardonable sin pardoned by sending as many of the children of hell as he can back to their master. Into his miserable existence comes Angela Dodson and with her another chance for salvation.
I've never read the comics and hope that you'll forgive me for this oversight. Still, I am a comic fan and I knew of John Constantine before the movie came about. All that really means is that I was excited about this without having some of the hang-ups long time fans of the comic seem to have. Of course, Rish thinks I manage to walk around without most of the hang-ups that normal people have.
I've liked Keanu Reeves for longer than most people have despised him and while I would have liked to see a British Constantine to see what they would have done with it, I think that Keanu did an admirable job. Having Rachel Weisz alongside him was nice too. She's a lovely actress that always manages to lend weight and credibility to roles other women would defile.
The story is pretty straightforward and less of a comic book origin story than most first entries in comic book franchise movies manage. The script was good. The setting worked even though it lacked the Old World mystique. My friend complained about the lack of Kung Fu and the noticeable number of nods to The Matrix, but once I explained to him that Kung Fu isn't necessary to defeat the average demon and that even The Notebook took a few pages from The Matrix his objections disappeared.
Was it perfect? No. But it was fun and entertaining (if you are like me and think that dark, gritty movies can be fun and entertaining) and I can't think of anything that truly bothered me. See it. Especially if you like religious horror. Or comic book movies. Or even just Keanu Reeves.
Posted: February 18, 2005

Rish's Reviews
I don't like Keanu Reeves much. I don't like Religious Horror much either.
But I liked Constantine. A lot.
Movies based on comic books get a bad rap, and I suppose that's because comic books get a bad rap. They're seen by many as puerile, simple-minded, exploitative, one-dimensional, immoral or destructive, intellectually-deficient fodder for the very young . . . or worse, geeks and nerds.
But comic books are art, with styles, rules, techniques, and nuances all their own. One of these nuances is the mythology created (even necessary) by a particular comic book. Their characters exist in a world totally unlike ours, or one somewhat similar to ours, or one completely identical to ours except for one pivotal element or another. Seeing films like Hellboy, Blade, Men In Black, and Constantine, which deal in worlds with characters, laws, and hiarchies that are alien to me, is enormously entertaining for me. Best of all, since I wasn't familiar with those comics, unlike the X-Men, Spider-man, and Fantastic Four franchises, it was all new to me, and I didn't have to deal with all the arbitrary and/or unfortunate changes made to the characters and their surroundings.
Oh, and I used to wet the bed a lot as a kid.
But enough about me. I really enjoyed this film because it was clever. It was talky, took its time, provided some nice tension and scares, and took place in an interesting world with interesting characters. Oh, and like tyranist said, it had no kung fu in it, thank Shabiba.
I also like Rachel Weisz. Reeves's character isn't immensely likable or relatable, and there were a couple of moments where the filmmakers MIGHT have cheated, but the pleasant surprises way outweighed the bad ones. Computer-generated effects were overused, as usual, but they looked pretty good for the most part. I enjoyed the disturbing vision of Hell, which backs up my long-standing theory that Hell is actually a lot like South Central Los Angeles.
The angel and demon characters were pretty fascinating, including the unpredictable nature of their unique personalities. I find it interesting that the devil can be depicted in any number of ways on film without offending anyone, but the rare instances when God appears, filmgoers twitch as though electrocuted. Wait, I take that back. The ones that freak out are invariably not filmgoers.
Best Scare: There were some scares too, mostly involving demons, a couple of possessed characters, and one really inventive demon that was completely made up of vermin like rats and cockroaches. Neat.
I'd Recommend It To: Pretty much every fan of supernatural religious noir.
Posted: March 14, 2005

Total Skulls: 9

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?