Don't Open Till Christmas Year: 1984 Director: Edmund Purdom Written by: Derek Ford, Al McGoohan Threat: Psychopath Weapon of Choice: Knife Based upon: nothing IMDb page:

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Rish Outfield's reviews
In Great Britain, they used to have something called Video Nasties, which was essentially a list of movie titles which were banned in the U.K. for their overtly violent content. Usually they were American fare like The Exorcist or Texas Chainsaw. But watching Don't Open Till Christmas, I had to wonder if this film, made in and concerning Brits, was on the list or not.
Happy holidays, folks. Unless you're dressed as Santa, that is. This film concerns a serial killer who butchers Santa Clauses in the days leading up to Christmas, and the poor Scotland Yard investigators who attempt to track him down. Early on, our blonde heroine's father meets a festive demise, and tries to figure out who the killer is as well.
Starring director Edmund Purdom, the cast are complete unknowns, with nary a recognizable face in the bunch. A cute English whore character is featured in a much more prominent than usual part, though. We've also an extraordinarily likeable boyfriend character who volunteers his girlfriend to pose nude for a friend right after her father is murdered. Of course, he bawls out said friend for suggesting she pose in a Santa-esque outfit. Nice guy.
This is essentially a British giallo and reminded me a lot of Argento's work (only without the style). So, years ago a boy saw "Santa" in flagrante delicto and it messed him up for life. Jeez, how many people has this happened to? What we've got here is a sort of opposite of the Christmas Slashers America was putting out at the time--the VICTIMS are men in Santa suits.
The music was done on that most '80s of instruments, the synthesizer, and featured a creepy little version of "Jingle Bells," as well as less-recognizable tunes. The mask the killer wears is one of those horribly creepy generic plastic faces, plus a hood and coat. The killer is everywhere. People/victims keep walking into the killer, looking in the other direction. If it happened once, that'd be okay, but again and again? Also, the victims simply cringe and cower until they are killed, which may be a throwback to a much older style of filmmaking or even a theatrical style. Or maybe it's just stupid.
This doesn't shirk on the body count, though. At least a dozen Santas bite the dust. And it featured four murders in the time it would take a normal movie to have one. Our killer is innovative as well, spreading holiday death by spear, by gun, by garrote, by electricity, by bomb, by brazier (yes), by knife, by razor, and by machete. One surprise is who lives and who dies among the main characters; at least one of the deaths was not at all expected.
The movie wasn't great (the ending left a heck of a lot to be desired), but it wasn't bad. A couple moments even approached good. I must warn you of two things, however: first, it began with a disco scene. Second, somebody out there's got a thing about male anatomy. One of the poor Santas is castrated with a straight razor. Another is kicked in the crotch with a spiked shoe. Jeezum crow (as a friend of mine used to say)! If that doesn't disturb you, well, by all means stay in your cell.
Best Scare: There was a semi-interesting sequence in which a potential victim is pursued through a wax museum. I'd say it was the closest this came to a scary moment (still a kilometre or so away, but the closest).
I'd Recommend It To: Any holiday slasher fans who can find it. It's interesting to see how they do things across the pond.

The tyranist's thoughts
I have to echo Rish in that this was essentially somewhere between the Italian gallo horror tradition and the American slasher. I'd have to say that it leans more toward the Italian, but unfortunately, it is nowhere near as good as the Italian movies tend to be.
As slashers go it is mediocre at best. There are chase sequences that go on for too long and suspenseful moments that really aren't. The one thing they do a decent job of is the red herring. I also really liked the premise although it sort of falls apart at the end when they reveal the how and why. I think I would rather have just believed there was some evil Santa killer out there doing it because he felt like it rather than having to explore the killers particular psychoses.
The cast was decent and the girls attractive in the way of the '80s. Which sometimes is the best way. The music was sort of jarring at times and there was an awful lot of peripheral action that went on.
I guess on the whole, I'd just call the movie mediocre. There were moments that pleased and moments that didn't. In the end it doesn't achieve its potential, but there are still bits that are fun and worth seeing. If you like the Italian gallo, then you might find yourself a little disappointed here, but otherwise it might be a good middle-ground.

Total Skulls: 19

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?