Doom Year: 2005 Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak Written by: Dave Callaham, Wesley Strick Threat: Mutants Weapon of Choice: Mine Based upon: video game IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
None

The tyranist's thoughts
Like every other socially awkward kid of my generation, I wasted more than a few hours playing Doom. It was revolutionary and violent and gory and just up the alley of a bored computer literate teenager like me. My taste in computer games was then and still is largely in the realm of strategy games, but we all played Doom.
So flash forward to the Uwe Boll era in Hollywood and notice that since there seems to be a real lack of quality written material to bastardize on film we've turned to raping fond memories of two other forms of media: television and video games. I can understand the television thing. Narrative is an important part of television, even in the worst sit-coms if there is no narrative, the show doesn't last more than a couple months. But video games don't require narrative. In fact, narrative slows video games down. There may be a lot of lip service about games becoming interactive movies, but if you look around, most of the games that are like that aren't being played. The games that are being played all involve action without much in the way of thought. First-person shooters are just that, shooters. Any second I don't spend looking for something to shoot in one of those games seems like a second wasted. And, friends, that makes for terrible movies.
We've found some magical gate to Mars and there has been an archeological expedition there ever since. Lately, things not of an archeological nature have been going on and when it all goes south, the marines are called in. Naturally, the marines do what they are paid to do, blow shit up.
Karl Urban is a nice change in the heroic figure department. He's not polished in the way so many are and it's easier for me to identify with him because of it. Not that there is much to his character here. He and Rosamund Pike's characters (twins, I might mention) are the most rounded and they are barely into the third dimension. But the movie didn't really call for it, did it?
And speaking of Rosamund Pike, I like her an awful lot and wish she'd make more movies. Or, at least, more movies of the type I'm likely to watch. The Rock is here as well, but it is a mostly typical strong guy role. The other marines are mostly forgettable.
As for script and the like, it wasn't fantastic. In fact, it's sort of hard to believe that one of the same minds that contributed to Cape Fear worked as a writer here too. The movie is very dark and very gory. The dialogue is kept to a minimum. The plot exists, but it is still mostly and excuse to blow shit up.
Now, it may sound to you like I didn't really like this movie. That's fair. But the truth is that I had fun watching it. It wasn't Aliens (even though it wanted to be at times) and it took itself more seriously than I might have expected, but it was fun to watch. I had a good time. It's pretty unlikely that I'll ever sit down and watch it again (unless I get desperate for a Rosamund Pike flick), but I don't regret having seen it this time.
I'm not going to recommend it, but I'm also not going to tell you to stay away. As movies go, it could be worse. Maybe if you catch it with the right crowd, you'll enjoy it too.
Posted: October 27, 2005

Total Skulls: 18

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?