Rish Outfield's reviews
I wish I hadn't wasted my time.
Oh my, this was one Bad Movie, necessitating capital letters. It earned eight what the hells at least, making Inferno look like classic sitcom format. Eyes of Fire was a sick, stupid movie with virtually no story. Several times while watching it, I was sure they were just making it up as they went along, dialogue and all. While watching this nonsense, a couple of questions came to mind: Where IS this? Isn't it over yet? What was the threat? An experimental film, maybe? Avant garde? Huh? The only answer I got was during the credits--it was shot in Jackson County, Missouri, showing off some pretty country. Someone said it was scary. I want to find this person, and hurt him. There were plenty of silly special effects using lots of smoke and in-camera effects, leading me to wonder if this may have been a film school project. Hmm, that would explain why it felt so improvised and disorganized. It showcased some religious hypocrisy and the characters had odd accents, both English and Irish, plus regular American, but it was almost a non-narrative. There was a stupid, annoying witch woman who spoke no English. But at the (eventual) end of the movie, she did. The evil child was cool-looking, but . . . hey, if I wanted to see an evil child, I could go to tyranist's house. Parts of the film were supposed to be confusing, I'm sure, but other parts were just so poorly done that I was utterly baffled. Even after weeks, I still don't know how to describe it. I guess I'm getting less tolerant in my old age, but I really hate movies where I don't know what's going on. Plot is so important, and a concrete narrative is essential in getting me to like a film. This had neither. It may be that I was too stupid to get what this movie was about, but the truth is probably that this was just a very poorly-made film. I should be proud that I was able to get this coherent a review out of it.
Best Scare: There were some interesting-looking demon-tree-monster-ghosts that popped up a couple of times, but since I still don't know what they were or why, I think I'll avoid mentioning them.