Invasion of the Blood Farmers Year: 1972 Director: Ed Adlum Written by: Ed Adlum, Ed Kelleher Threat: Alien Druid Hillbillies Weapon of Choice: Cane IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
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Rish's Reviews
Invasion of the Blood Farmers has to be one of the greatest titles in the history of cinema. Its tagline ("They plant the living. And raise the DEAD!") is just as good.
But titles ain't everything, folks.
In upstate New York, not far from Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, a druid leader and his grunting henchmen are altering, then draining, the blood of the townsfolk in order to resurrect their druid queen. The resident scientist begins to investigate, not realising that he lives next door to the culprits.
About two years ago, I tried to go to a screening of this film (a double feature, playing with Barn of the Naked Dead). The print didn't arrive on time, or something, so they showed The Gates of Hell instead. And I gotta tell you, if Blood Farmers had actually shown that night, I probably never would've gone back to that theatre.
Let me contextualize it for you. Tyranist and I have reviewed over seven hundred films in the years since Splatter University and House on Sorority Row. This, I'd rate among the four or five worst.
Before the film began, its director came out and talked to us for a long, long time. He was really intelligent and well-spoken. He explained that each of the actors worked for a six pack of beer, and that the film was shot over three weekends for $24,000. He also admitted, resignedly, that it never made its money back.
I didn't jot down a lot of notes. Looking over them, I see that I wrote the word "Atrocity" next to the title. I also wrote, "I feel a bit sad about the film. It almost tries to be earnest and good, but it's an affront to filmmaking and cinema in general."
It feels a little like one of those abominable Fifties movies, the kind parodied in the recent Lost Skull of Cadavra, complete with a middle-aged scientist character, his bland, pretty daughter, and a scientist assistant who is dating her. If the film had been a little more professionally-done, or perhaps edited AT ALL, it might have been one of those flicks that was so awful it was amusing (like good old Plan 9. Instead, it was torturous, long (even though it was barely over an hour), included truly horrible dialogue (delivered by non-actors), and was less pleasant than getting a filling replaced.*
The friend I had invited along got up, cleared his throat, and spat when it was over. Even though we had paid for a double feature, he shoved past me, stormed up the aisle, and left, knocking over Angus Scrimm in the process. I guess he had some serious drinking to do after what we just witnessed.
The only positives are these: the title, and the fact that there was a character named Jim Carrey who basically drowns in blood. That was amusing.
I'd Recommend It To: Not a soul.
Rantmode on... During the intermission after this film, I came over pretty melancholy. I got to thinking about the director of this film, and how everyone in this town wants to make movies, and how most of us never will.
Imagine, though, if you DID make a movie--you put together the crew, the cast, the locations, even the money, and took your one big shot at realizing your dream . . . and it sucked? Wouldn't that be sad? Wouldn't it be devastating? Wouldn't that cast a shadow over the rest of your life? Over every other endeavour you began, or even considered?
Sad, yes. But it's better, don't you think, to try and and fail than never getting a chance to try? Right? Wow, I've become SO weak in my old age. ...End Rantmode.
*I'm biased, however, because my dentist is a lovely young woman for some reason.
Posted: April 19, 2005

Total Skulls: 31

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?