Legion of the Dead Year: 2000 Director: Olaf Ittenbach Written by: Olaf Ittenbach Threat: Demon Weapon of Choice: Gun Based upon: nothing IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
None

Rish Outfield's Reviews
Because my time in tyranist's neck of the woods this trip was much more limited than usual (and probably due in part to my own laziness), we weren't able to manage our traditional Holiday Film Festival in 2002. We watched a couple of movies that didn't quite qualify as Horror (Blood Work and Murder By Numbers), as well as a couple films separately (I, for example, watched Signs again and something with Jennifer Lopez in it), but as far as the HFC goes, we really only got two movies in together: Brotherhood of the Wolf and something called Legion of the Dead.
Perhaps we'd have been better off only watching one.
I'd give you a summary of the plot, but I'm afraid I don't have enough imagination to make one up. Tyranist and I rented this film when tyranist read the following on the video jacket: "A mysterious blond man and his sadistic henchmen are killing people to create a legion of the dead."
I curse the day tyranist learned to read.
To call this movie "awful" would be like calling the Holocaust "unfortunate." It was the worst film I've seen in years.
A German production shot here in America, Legion attempts to rip off From Dusk Till Dawn, Demon Knight, and Reservior Dogs, among others, which is forgivable. What isn't is how indescribably poorly- made it was. The script felt as though it was translated from the original German by a six year old (who only spoke Portuguese). I've lanced boils more pleasant than this. The acting was so atrocious that Mexican pornographers could make fun of it, but the editing was even worse (perhaps instead of a linear or non-linear editing system they had to use a cheese-grater and staplegun to do the job). It had a nonsensical, incomprehensible plot with characters that appear and disappear like an exhibitionist Claude Rains. The characters that do stick around managed to teach me a new definition of the word Hate. The strong homosexual overtones are only overshadowed by the braindead pot smoking humor attempts that fall flatter than a sky-diving sea cow.
Since I was cruelly gifted to see good in everything (you should see some of the girls I've fallen for), I am able to pay it two compliments: 1) The title is quite good, if you ignore the fact that they actually refer to it on the cover as Le6ion of the Dead; and 2) the lead actress (Kimberly Liebe) is really hot, if you ignore the fact that she can't act.
Legion of the Dead didn't work on any level, not as Horror, not as Comedy, not as Action, not as Sci-Fi. Sadly, as inept as it all was, it failed to even be amusing in a campy or ironic sense.
I'd Recommend It To: Please, even if you've never agreed with a single one of our reviews, believe me now--for the love of your mother, avoid Legion of the Dead.
Posted: January 8, 2003

The tyranist's thoughts
So Rish and I are standing there in the local video emporium with a copy of Brotherhood of the Wolf in one hand wondering what other horror movie we should select to fill our all too short time together. We walk down the aisle pulling the most godawful selections off the wall and reading the back just for a laugh. Put them back too, until that fateful moment when I read the back of Legion of the Dead. That moment will go down as one of the worst decisions ever made concering the HFC.
I'll have to echo Rish on the plot, the acting, the lack of anything remotely resembling a story, and the fact that it is a shame that someone at Artisan had the bad taste to buy this piece of shit for distribution. Did they have some kind of familial obligation here?
Anyway, I figure we kind of got what we had coming to us. Brotherhood of the Wolf was so unbelievably good, that karmic balance required the other film we watched for the HFC while we were together be unbelievably bad. We even watched a couple minutes of the making of feature on the DVD just to see if they had any idea that they had made something bad. They didn't. Are we all so blind to our faults? I hope not.
Posted: January 13, 2003

Total Skulls: 38

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?