Long Time Dead Year: 2001 Director: Marcus Adams Written by: Eitan Arrusi, Daniel Bronzite, Chris Baker, Andy Day Threat: Djinn Weapon of Choice: Hands Based upon: none IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
None

Rish Outfield's reviews
I think Steven Seagal recently came out with a movie called Half Past Dead. I keep confusing the two titles.
I believe that the premise of this one is that a group of young English thrill-seekers attempt to reach the spirit world via a Ouija board and end up contacting a djinn, a demon with a penchant for murder. Well, now the demon inhabits one of them and can only free itself by killing all who summoned it. Oh, and one of them just happens to have a father in an institution, imprisoned for a killing he claims was committed by a djinn. Also, one of them happens to be not-English. Even worse, he is Lukas Haas. And then Steven Seagal kicks open the door and saves the day.
Or that might have been the other one.
I made tyranist pick this one up because the premise was so good. And it had a great premise. I didn't really enjoy this film, though. It wasn't awful, but tyranist sure liked it more than I did. And maybe he should've. After all, the movie wasn't terrible, and even had a moment or two of brilliance. But the movie also SHOULD HAVE been better.
The filmmakers obviously didn't have a lot of money to deal with (didn't stop them from resorting to CGI, the bane of the modern horror film, though, did it?), and there was an editing problem that made it hard to know where and when things happened. They also made a big mistake of having two characters who looked nearly identical. I constantly wondered which was which (tyranist tried to explain that one of the young, handsome blond guys was English and the other was British). The cast was unremarkable and the apathetic spoiled stoner/slacker characters not altogether lovable, either.
I like people from the UK. I like the accent. I like their sensibilities and sense of humour. I like the way they spell "sense of humour."
But I hate Lukas Haas. Hate him. I don't really know why, kids, I just do.
I may have referred to Half-Past-A-Long-Time Dead as "a crapfest" before it ended, but that was just because tyranist was proclaiming this film better than sex and that pissed me off. It could've been worse, though. I didn't know who would live and who would die, and I didn't know who the demon was possessing, so that's a positive. The final setpiece was well-done, involving, and (in my not-even-close-to-humble opinion) the best part of the film.

The tyranist's thoughts
This film kicked off the Holiday 2003 Horror Film Festival with what probably couldn't be described as a bang. Actually, I'm certain that I liked it a whole lot more than Rish did and I found it to be slightly more than mediocre at best. It was the best Ouija Board movie I've ever seen and perhaps only Ami Dolenz would have made it better.
The acting was pretty decent and the dialogue sometimes snappy. British made, it was lower budget than a lot of American fare, but it didn't look it most of the time. There were some likeable characters and some less so, but in the end it was still a Ouija Board movie--a sub-genre I've never cared for. Why don't I like Ouija Board movies? I don't know. Probably the same reason moths scare the shit out of me.
I'd see this one again, maybe. But not for a while. And not without some fast-talking on your part. Still, some of you might like it. Not sure which of you. That's a risk you'll have to decide you want to take on your own.

Total Skulls: 21

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears		Lukas Haas
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?