Rish's Reviews
So, a film distributor walks into his quarterly meeting and says, "Gentlemen, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, The Mangler 2 is in the can and ready for distribution. The bad news is, The Mangler 2 makes The Mangler 1 look like The Godfather.*
Tyranist and I have gotten more lenient and tolerant in our old age. But I pride myself a little in recognizing a terrible film when I see one. And this film is a shitfest.
At a preppy private school where a high tech security system has just been installed by corrupt headmaster Lance Henriksen, an angry rich student releases a virus into the system that turns its artificial intelligence homocidal. "The Mangler" is the name of the computer virus. At the end, the computer ends up melding with Henriksen (ala Superman III and/or Virus), and in the midst of his world domination speech, believe it or not, he quotes the Spice Girls.
Boring from the first scene, I don't know if I would describe this Canadian beauty as "deathly dull" or "criminally dull." For instance, the first death occurs after forty minutes. It rips off, not The Mangler, but The Lawnmower Man. They even leave it in when the "actors" flub their lines.
Let me try to say something good about the film. There was an amusing moment where a couple of characters discuss porno titles. I think that was the highpoint. Also, private school uniforms are sexy. One character spends the whole show in a bikini top, but it's not as great as it sounds. In fact, the "hot chicks" in the film weren't even hot. There actually was a laundry press death, which I'd give credit to the filmmakers for using to reference the first film, but I'm sure they weren't that clever.
A horrible film, there was no nudity or gore (of any kind) to keep things interesting. There are horny teens that never get any. The high schoolers range from actually seventeen to thirty-four. Due to a field trip, the student body is reduced to five. None are particularly likable, though. The heroine is the spoiled daughter of a billionare. She is a hateful, misanthropic, black mascara-wearing bitch, and I think, though I could be mistaken, that we are supposed to root for her. The French chef (whose accent comes and goes) is the only likable character in the film.
I really like Lance Henriksen. I consider myself a fan. I would get his autograph at a convention or signing. If I ran into him on the street, I would want to talk to him about his career. But after viewing this direct-to-video masterpiece, I sort of wish he would pass away now. Among the six hundred films we've reviewed on this site, I would rate this among the bottom dozen. And that should say a lot.
*You know, that wasn't the best joke I could come up with. The one I was originally going to go with went like this: A film distributor walks into his quarterly meeting and says, "Gentlemen, I've got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, The Mangler 2 is a steaming pile of wildebeast dung." A stammering assistant asks, "And the good news?" The distributor says, "Last night, I got laid." Thanks folks, you've been a great audience, drive safe.