The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Year: 2003 Director: Marcus Nispel Written by: Scott Kosar Threat: Psychopaths Weapon of Choice: Chainsaw Based upon: 1974 screenplay by Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
I don't know how we classify these things

Rish's Reviews
I had no real interest in seeing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Version 2.0 when it was coming out. I've never been a fan of the original. And the one sequel I've seen, Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation was among the worst films I've ever seen. But the movie came out , and nearly everyone else under God's gray sky saw it (to the tune of eighty million dollars). People (including my little sister) told me it was really good, it came out on video, and my Irish friend invited me over to watch for our semi-weekly Horror screening.
Well, except for a couple of clever moments early on, it was exactly what I thought it would be, and a worthy successor to Texas Chainsaw and every other sickass Seventies sleazefest that came after it. It had the same concept as the recent Wrong Turn and House of a Thousand Corpses, which were both Texas Chainsaw ripoffs that I found far superior to that film.
The plot is familiar: a van full of youths is driving through hicksville when they come across a hitchhiker of sorts--a nearly-catatonic girl who has survived something horrific. Sadly, our little group is about to find out exactly what she went through as they run afoul of a band of psychos so messed up, the first word of the title could've been left out and you'd still know they were from Texas.
Well, here's a big surprise for you: my Irish pal didn't like it! He said, twice (so I'd really take note): "There is not a single redeeming quality to this movie." While I won't judge the movie quite that harshly, I can't exactly disagree with him. As I've said before, I don't really find these movies entertaining. They are usually gritty, bleak, sickening, and wholly unpleasant.
I didn't recognize most of the cast, except for "Seventh Heaven"'s Jessica Biel and that bastard R. Lee Ermey as the sheriff. Produced by Michael Bay, the one compliment my friend made the film was that it was slick and brilliantly shot. Yup.
Yes, the characters are unfortunate, in that they are brutally, mercilessly, horribly mutilated, but the stoner character sort of deserved it for doing the whole fake out scare trick after the sick crap they'd just been through.
But none of the characters were very sympathetic, and the disgusting hick sadists, from the enormously obese woman and the emaciated mother-child to the soulless grandmother and the depraved, murdering sheriff, made my stomach churn as they explored the depths to which an inbred family of barely-human beings might descend.
The mock police footage that bookends the film (narrated once again by John Larroquette) is certainly the weakest part of the film, but managed to convince at least one person I talked to that "it was all real!"
On the positive side, Jessica Biel is really, really well put together. The filmmakers started her in very little clothing, then proceed to repeatedly throw water on her, whether by rain, sweat, basement seepage, or sprinklers (oh, and having her soaked and then hide in a meat locker was an act of pure genius on Mr. Nispel's part). I've never cared much for Leatherface, and would have had no problem seeing him killed seventy or eighty times in this flick, but they did a fantastic job on the makeup (CG?) in the shot where we see him without his mask on. There are a moment or two that are genuinely disturbing, but mostly it's just nauseating.
I didn't really wonder who would survive and what would be left of them, I just wanted it to end soon. One intricate dolly shot about ten minutes into the film, however, was so expertly done and in such bad taste that it alone made the movie worth seeing. You know what shot I'm talking about if you've seen the movie, kids.
But you know, there are people out there who would enjoy this movie. There are thousands who called the original film a classic, or even a masterpiece. And I'm not going to condemn those people. I'm the one who deserves the blame here, since I rented the movie knowing what I was probably getting into.
There was one positive aspect I found in this film that was absent in the original or the films like it: I never once forgot that this was a movie, that these were just actors working on a gig their agents hooked them up with, that the creepy exteriors and repulsive interiors were all sets and exhaustively-prepared locations. The expansive camerawork, music video editing, and intricately-executed lighting schemes made sure of that.
Best Scare: There were several good "jolts," which aren't exactly the same thing as scares, but since they caused me to jump and/or yelp, they were pretty effective.
I'd Recommend It To: Do what you want, you're a big boy.

Total Skulls: 20

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film		It's a fucking remake
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?