Vacancy Year: 2007 Director: Nimród Antal Written by: Mark L. Smith Threat: Psychopaths Weapon of Choice: Pistol Based upon: none Color/B&W/3D: Language: English Country of Origin: U.S.A. IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
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Rish's Reviews
This is the second horror movie I can think of (EVER) that tyranist has refused to see for moral reasons. My sister, who still bangs her head bloody against the walls after seeing The Ring in 2002, wanted to see Vacancy, so we went, on the very last day of its theatrical release. Not counting Scary Movie 3, it's the first horror film she's seen in almost five years.
So, a two-minutes-from-divorce unhappy couple on a road trip find themselves lost and stranded when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, they find a remote motel that will house them for the night. But then the noises start, they discover the hidden cameras, and they realise they've been lured there so the sicko locals can terrorise and murder them.
I love Kate Beckinsale. I really do. She didn't exactly shine in this movie, but then, no one did. The only memorable performance is Frank Whaley's, and that's because it's a little odd and a lot out of place, considering this is a horror film and his is a villainous, supposedly scary role.
Stephen King has written about eight bickering-couple-gets-lost-while-driving horror stories (for example, "Rainy Season," "You Know They've Got a Hell of A Band," "Children of the Corn," and "Crouch End"). He has a talent to create angry and frustrated characters who vary from sick of each other to at each others' throats. King's couples seem like lovebirds compared to Beckinsale and Wilson in this picture.
I've never been a fan of Luke Wilson (though I'll name a son after him compared to how I feel about his brother Owen), but he surprised me in this film, mostly because I actually liked him. And that's an accomplishment.
I do have to wonder about the banging on the walls and doors. What was the point of that, exactly? Except to pad out the length of the film, of course.
I have to interrupt my normal meanderings with a profanity-laced condemnation of the couple that brought their two-year-old to see Vacancy with them. I apologise for the words I'm about to use, but my philosophy is that curse words are important, useful parts of the vocabulary, if they are used sparingly, and only to express danger, outrage, stress, or importance. With that said, I realise that you may disagree, but please indulge me and go to hell.
Now, whenever I bring up the issue of how children should behave or how adults should raise their kids, some spotted dick always has to tell me I don't know nothin' 'cause I ain't got no kids. And yeah, that's true, but what these parents WITHOUT EXCEPTION fail to understand is that their children's behaviour affects people other than themselves. If your kid is running around and he bumps into me, that's not just your problem, it is now my problem. And fuck you for bringing a baby to a horror movie. I mean, god, not only is it shitty parenting, but it is damned inconsiderate to the other people who paid to see the movie. And I realise that we live in a day and age where people give not a shit about what other people think, but going to the cinema is still a communal experience. It's different than watching something on television FIRST AND FOREMOST because you're not in your own home, and you're around people who you don't know. My god, sir and madame, you can excuse it away with "Well, it costs too much to hire a babysitter" (the most used example) or "He's just a baby, he doesn't know what's going on on the screen" (the second most oft-used example), but I gotta tell you, if a child is crying because people are being murdered on the screen, or because there are loud noises from the speakers, or hell, just because he soiled his diapers . . . then that kid should not be seeing the movie. I know that it's in vogue to be an irresponsible, carefree, selfish parent, and place blame on everybody and everything else, but when I sat my six year old niece down to watch The Omen, I probably should've thought twice about it. And hey, I don't have the excuse that I didn't know what it was about or even that I'm an idiot like the majority of people have.
My sister, who absolutely abhores horror films, was even more outraged than I was, and at one point, started to stand up. "Where are you going?" "If they won't take that poor kid out of here, then I will." Other people were complaining too at this point, and the child's guardian removed him, so my sister sat down. Maybe she would've been out of line to confront the owners of that little kid, maybe not, but I can guarantee they would have taken offence and thrown the kinds of words around I just used (if not fists) if she had.
Regardless of mentality, self-centredness, and ignorance, Vacancy was rated R in the United States, and unless you were frequenting the cinema before 1968, you know what that means. The point of a horror movie is to disturb, shock, frighten, or thrill . . . and I'm wondering which of those does the most good to a toddler.
And with that, my rant is ended.
And probably my review. There's really not much to say about the film itself. There was really no reason for tyranist to have missed this picture (except that it wasn't very good). Perhaps if it had been sicker or more of a Texas Chainsaw throwback, it might have disturbed and frightened a little more, or at least made some kind of an impact. As it stands, there was very little to recommend about this movie. None of it felt new or clever or well done, and the very last minute fell so flat that I wondered if we'd somehow gotten a test screening version with a failed alternate ending.
We've all seen movies like Vacancy, and we'll see them again. Just cut out the middle man and skip this one.
Posted: August 29, 2007

Total Skulls: 15

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film		Nothing specific, but there's a thousand movies just like this
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?