Watchers RebornYear: 1998 Director: John Carl Buechler Written by: Sean Dash Threat: Monster Weapon of Choice: Claws |
Rish Outfield's reviews
A terrible movie here, folks. First of all, it's hard to review this film
objectively. I REALLY enjoyed the book (one of my favourite Dean Koontz
novels), and I'm way too much of a Mark Hamill fan (regardless of what
everybody tells me). But this was a uniquely weak film. I've mentioned
before that films with the potential for good/greatness are much more
disappointing than those that were empty from the beginning. This is, what,
the tenth attempt to make Koontz's Watchers into a movie, and again,
somebody somewhere screwed up. I mean, what is the problem with this book? I
can't tell you, except that even after several other tries, this one is
particularly bad. The acting was sub-par, the violence hokey and unnecessary,
the special effects laughable, and the editing was as bad as a sixth-grader
with two VCRs. There were a couple of moments when I thought, "Wait a minute,
maybe this won't suck," which made it all the worse when it did. "Nightmare
on Elm Street 4 & 5"'s Lisa Wilcox wasn't spectacularly awful, just awful.
The pathetic-but-didn't-have-to-be monster was never scary, and often so
poorly done that I longed for another Ewok movie. And what can be said about
poor aging, messed-up-looking, fat Mark Hamill except that he should stick
with cartoon voice-overs?
Best Scare: Maybe one of the half-dozen times the dog jumped out. Maybe
I'd Recommend It To: Only those who would then be motivated to read the book.
The tyranist's thoughts
Yet another attempt at getting the Dean Koontz adaptation right. This one is a little more faithful than some, but the
production values are so abysmally low that it is hard to watch. I will say that Concorde was at least trying for the
most legitimate film they could make. It just didn't work. Watching this also made me think that Mark Hamill's lack of a
career was for a reason. We all loved him as Luke, but he just doesn't make the grade here. I would also like to find
out who we can blame for the Outsider. They started out right by hiding him as much as possible and mostly showing
reactions or the occasional paw, but later we saw more and more of that thing. It was hideous, but not in the good horror
movie sense.
I recently heard an interview with Dean on a local radio station (I think he was promoting Seize the Night in which
he stated that Watchers was his one of his favourite novels. He mentioned a couple of others as well, but it sticks
in my mind because Watchers was the first Koontz book I ever read. I like to imagine that he winces every time he
sees a new adaptation of this one, but I suppose any residual royalties he gets help to ease the pain.
Sequel | ||
Owes everything to/rips off earlier film | ||
Sequel setup | ||
Bad title | ||
Bad premise | ||
Bad acting | ||
Bad dialogue | ||
MTV Editing | ||
OTS | ||
Girl unnecessarily gets naked | ||
Wanton sex | ||
Death associated with sex | ||
Characters forget about threat | ||
Secluded location | ||
Power is cut | ||
Phone lines are cut | ||
Someone investigates a strange noise | ||
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door | ||
Camera is the killer | ||
Victims cower in front of a window/door | ||
Toilet stall scene | ||
Victim locks self in with killer | ||
Killer is in car with victim | ||
Cat jumps out | ||
Fake scare | ||
Laughable scare | ||
Blood hits camera | ||
Beheading | ||
Killer doesn't stay dead | ||
Stupid discovery of corpse | ||
Dream sequence | ||
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls | ||
No one believes only witness | ||
Blood fountain | ||
Poor death effect | ||
Excessive gore | ||
Music detracts from scene | ||
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie | ||
Future celebrity appears | ||
No one dies at all | ||
Death in first five minutes | ||
Virgin survives | ||
Geek/Nerd survives | ||
Little kid lamely survives | ||
Dog/Pet miraculously survives | ||
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes | ||
Unresolved subplots | ||
"It was all a dream" ending | ||
Unbelievably happy ending | ||
What the hell? |
Total Skulls: 19
Other movies in this series:
Watchers
Watchers II
Watchers III
Watchers 4