White Noise Year: 2005 Director: Geoffrey Sax Written by: Niall Johnson Threat: Ghosts Weapon of Choice: Electricity IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
None

Rish's Reviews
It's with a bit of honour that I ring in the new year with the first horror film of 2005. I went to this film with a combination of excitement and dread. I am not exaggerating when I say that the trailer for White Noise is the scariest trailer I have ever seen. Tyranist and I saw the preview together before the ironically-forgettable The Forgotten, and my arm hairs never stopped dancing. As the release date approached, I figured if the trailer was this scary, how bad would the movie be?
Well, the movie didn't come close, but ah well.
When my usual movie date flaked out on me, I called up my Irish friend, who I've sworn I'd never go to the cinema with again, and cajoled him into going. He wasn't as cynical this time around, but still . . .
Michael Keaton plays Jonathan Rivers, the husband of a distractingly-beautiful writer (Chandra West), who goes missing one day, and whose body is later found, apparently the victim of a tragic accident. Jonathan is unable to put the loss behind him, especially since his late wife appears to be trying to contact him through something called EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon), the ability the dead have to communicate with the living through the static of channel zero on your radio or television. With the help of a rotund spiritual intercessor, a blind medium, and Deborah Kara Unger, he makes contact with her . . . and a whole mess of other supernatural beings, some with less than benevolent intentions.
As I said, I was afraid of this film, and wow, the first half was truly quite scary. During some scenes, I used the old fist-against-my-mouth-to-keep-from-screaming trick. It has a great premise, and EVP is apparently a real phenomenon . . . as real as Bigfoot, crop circles, the Bermuda Triangle, and the concept of love, anyway.
It was well-acted, especially by its lead. I love Michael Keaton. And you should too. While he's TECHNICALLY a Former Celebrity, I'm not giving the Skull for affection's sake.
I was surprised by how slow the film moved--in an era of lightning-short attention spans, quick cuts, and Michael Bay movies, British television director Geoffrey Sax crafts his film like it were the Seventies instead of . . . whatever decade we're in.
And perhaps its pace does go a bit too slow there (at least at first), but that's not White Noise's chief weakness. No, the real problem is how the film spirals into nonsensical control toward the end. More questions are left unanswered than on Vin Diesel's SAT exam. And what few subplots are resolved are not done so satisfactorally. I don't understand what was really going on. Who? Why? HOW? Why? These, and surely other questions, go unanswered in our admittedly-attractive little film.
I will lay blame on the screenplay, written by newcomer Niall Johnson, but it may have been the studio that fouled this one up. After the fairly unique first half, it all becomes a rehash of several post-Sixth Sense horror flicks. Plus, we get a lame appearance of the same black CG ghosts who have plagued more movies than I can even recall.
I was really puzzled by the ending of the film, and spent a heck of a lot of brain cells trying to figure it all out. Finally, my Irish friend explained to me that there was nothing to figure out. The film was full of holes, the logic didn't hold up, they didn't follow their own rules, it was like a flick written by Ehren Kruger or something.
And you know what? That actually made me feel better.
Even so, I won't wholly condemn White Noise. I did scream, I like the star, and I had an interesting conversation afterwards. Slow-moving, but never boring (though I'm sure Generation Y will insist it is), I enjoyed the ride, even if when the bus stopped I realized I was miles from where I needed to go.
Best Scare: One scare was particularly good. We are shown sporadic flashes of images that MIGHT be people or faces, sounds that MIGHT be whispers or voices, and we strain to hear, lean in to see. THEN, something horrible and loud jumps out onscreen. A really well-done moment.
Posted: January 26, 2005

Total Skulls: 21

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie		Casper cartoon (yeah, I know)
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?