Dating and CourtshipJoseph F. Smith:
We say to our young people, get married, and marry aright. Marry in the
faith, and let the ceremony be performed in the place God has appointed.
Live so that you may be worthy of this blessing. If, however, obstacles,
not at present removable, prevent this most perfect form of marriage,
have your bishop perform the ceremony, and then, at the earliest
possible moment, go to the temple. But do not marry those out of the
Church, as such unions almost invariably lead to unhappiness and
quarrels and often finally to separation. Besides, they are not pleasing
in the sight of heaven. The believer and unbeliever should not be yoked
together, for sooner or later, in time or in eternity, they must be
divided again. (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book
Co., 1939, p. 275.)Some people feel that it does not make very much difference whether a
girl marries a man in the Church, full of the faith of the Gospel, or an
unbeliever. Some of our young people have married outside of the Church,
but very few of those who have done it have failed to come to grief. I
would like to see Latter-day Saint men marry Latter-day Saint women, and
Methodists marry Methodists, Catholics marry Catholics, and
Presbyterians marry Presbyterians, and so on to the limit. Let them keep
within the pale of their own faith and church. There is nothing that I
can think of, in a religious way, that would grieve me more intensely
than to see one of my boys marry an unbelieving girl, or one of my girls
marry an unbelieving man. While I live, and they will hearken to my
voice, you can depend upon it, none of them will ever do it, and I would
to God that every father in Israel saw it just as I do, and would carry
it out just as I intend to do. (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed., Salt Lake
City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 279.)---------------------------------
Mark E. Peterson:
Among the letters to the editor of the Church Section one came a short
time ago which read in part as follows: "Recently you had a very good
editorial against mixed marriages, but it did not click with our
teen-age children insofar as going with nonmembers is concerned. Their
answer is to the effect that they are not going to get married now or
soon. Why shouldn't they have a good time going with anyone that happens
to attract them? Besides these nonmembers are nice boys and girls and
lots of fun. Surely they intend to marry Latter-day Saints, but why
shouldn't they date with outsiders now? . . ." Think about it for a
moment. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a stranger? Do you know
anyone who married someone not included in his circle of friends? How
does courtship proceed? Do you "pop the question" to someone you hardly
know, or do you "investigate" by a series of dates and parties? The
people you go with form your circle of friends. Those friendships
develop into the more serious associations. It is folly to say that you
do not marry those with whom you are best acquainted. . . . Young
people usually will take the verdict of statistics. The statistics
published by our own Church, the Catholic Church, and some Protestant
churches, to say nothing of the large number of divorce courts and other
official records, argue against marrying a person of a different
religious faith. If you want happiness in marriage, the statistics say,
marry within your own faith, regardless of what that faith is. That is
also the word of the Lord. He gave it anciently, and his servants in our
day give similar instructions. (Your Faith and You, Salt Lake City:
Bookcraft, 1963, pp. 276-77.)Marriage, to be successful, should be based upon a meeting of the minds,
not only in love and romance, but in the practical, day-by-day things,
in our attitudes, our reactions. Black must be black, and white must be
white to both boy and girl if they would see eye to eye. "Can two walk
together except they be agreed?"- asked the ancient prophet. When the
Lord gave advice to ancient Israel, he counseled them to marry those who
believed as they did themselves, not unbelievers, or confusion would
result. When boy meets girl today, these same fundamentals must be
reckoned with. The thrill of a date is not conclusive. Before a serious
step is taken, each should know fully the background, home training, and
innermost thought of the other. Can they hope for marital harmony
"except they be agreed?" (Your Faith and You, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft,
1963, pp. 3-4.)-------------------------------------
Brigham Young:
Be careful, O ye mothers in Israel, and do not teach your daughters in
the future, as many of them have been taught, to marry out of Israel.
Woe to you who do it, you lose your crowns as sure as God lives. What
was the cause of the first, or one of the first, curses that came upon
Israel? I will tell you. One of the first transgressions of the family
called Israel, was their going to other families or other nations to
select partners. This was one of the great mistakes made by the children
of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, for they would go and marry with other
families, although the Lord had forbidden them to do so, and had given
them a very strict and stringent law on the subject. He commanded them
not to marry among the Gentiles, but they did and would do it. Inasmuch
as they would not do what he required of them, then he gave them what I
call a portion of the law of carnal commandments. This law told them
whom they might and whom they might not marry. It was referred to by the
Savior and his Apostles, and it was a grievous yoke to place on the
necks of any people, but as the children of this family would run after
Babylon, and after the pride and the vanity and evils of the world, and
seek to introduce them into Israel, the Lord saw fit to place this
burden upon them. How is it with you, sisters? Do you distinguish
between a man of God and a man of the world? It is one of the strangest
things that happens in my existence, to think that any man or woman can
love a being that will not receive the truth of heaven. The love this
Gospel produces is far above the love of women, it is the love of God,
the love of eternity, of eternal lives. (Journal of Discourses, 26
vols., Liverpool, England: Albert Carrington and others, 1853-1886,
16:111, 8:199.)
***********************************************Two video clips recommended in the Young Women Manual 3, p.126 on "Dating
Decisions" are: "Chastity: As a Man Soweth" and "The Importance of Proper
Dating" on Family Home Evening Video Supplement 2.