It would seem obvious that a missionary is worthy to serve, but you
may not be prepared for the adversary's
clever attempts to destroy you.
Satan and his evil forces will
constantly attack you because you are a
missionary. As you begin to fulfill
your call to "hold up your light that it
may shine unto the world" (3
Nephi 18:24) and share the gospel of Jesus
Christ with others, you will
find that your weaknesses become more
apparent. Unresolved issues
from your past may come back to haunt
you, while other things that
you hadn't even considered wrong may start
to weigh on your mind.
The adversary wants you to believe that because you are not yet
perfect, you really shouldn't
serve a mission. This is just another of his
lies, because Satan is "the spirit
of that wicked one who was a liar from
the beginning" (D&C 93:25).
The Lord uses the sanctifying process of
personal revelation--line upon
line and precept upon precept. Remember
that the Spirit leaves for two
reasons: because the Lord is coaxing you
to move ahead, or because you
are sinning.
If the Lord were to show us, all at once, everything we need to do
to qualify for the celestial
kingdom, we would probably become discouraged
and quit. But a mission represents
a unique opportunity. Never before in
your life have you focused with
such intensity on personal worthiness. As
you do this, it becomes painfully
evident that you are not the kind of a
person you should be. In other
words, as you hold up the light to lead
others to Christ, it illuminates
every flaw in your armor.
Prepare yourself for this to happen. How will you handle those
feelings of hypocrisy? It is
very simple. You should not regard yourself
as someone who has "arrived."
You still struggle, as does the rest of
humanity. When you invite others
to follow your example, you are
merely saying, "Follow me as
I am trying to follow the Savior. When I
stumble, help me to get up; don't
criticize me for being imperfect. I'm
doing the best I can. You help
me and I'I1 help you, and together we'll
both become better people.
There is a fine line between being too hard on yourself and being
too lenient. Only the presence
of the Spirit can tell you when you are on
the right course. If you begin
to tell yourself you can never do anything
right, you need to reevaluate.
If you never select areas for improvement,
you also need to reconsider.
No missionary is totally bad or totally good.
We are all on the journey of
life toward perfection.
When you do slip and break a rule, don't stay down. Repent immediately
and ask your Heavenly Father
for forgiveness. He will let you know that
your repentance has been accepted
when the Spirit returns. He is willing
then to shift the responsibility
for payment for your sins onto the Savior.
If you happen to break a bigger
rule or commandment, one that might
jeopardize your worthiness to
serve, immediately contact the mission
president. To leave the problem
unresolved will only result in greater
condemnation because you will
be serving unworthily.
When you contact the mission president, be honest and to the
point. Tell him exactly what
happened. To speak in generalities doesn't
help anyone. In order to make
a correct judgment, the mission president
needs to know all the facts.
Unless the transgression is really very
serious, you will not be sent
home. If you are, it will be for your eternal welfare.
How do you know when to involve the mission president? Basically,
if you cannot (being totally
honest with yourself) get the Spirit back after
you have confessed to the Lord,
you probably need to talk to the president.
Remember, your Heavenly Father
is very eager to have you serve an
honorable mission. Therefore,
he considers a missionary's past, present,
and future as one eternal "now.”
Your eternal well-being is more important
to him than your temporary embarrassment.
Whatever the Spirit prompts
you to do, do it. The reason
you are talking to the mission president is
because the keys of judgment
have been given to him. He can make an
objective judgment, as well as
feel genuine concern for your plight. He
will seem more like a loving
father than a harsh judge. Whatever his
decision, it will be the best
for you.
The adversary wants you to be preoccupied with being sent home.
He may even urge you to tell
the president about your past, even though
you cleared it up with your home
bishop and stake president. Usually there
is no need to uncover these pardoned
transgressions. If you think the
bishop or stake president perhaps
made a mistake or didn't get all the
information he needed, let the
mistake lie with the bishop or stake
president.
Frequently, the adversary confuses a righteous missionary by
planting doubts about his or
her repentance process. Then he suggests
that maybe you'd better confess
again. So after you talk to the mission
president, everything is fine
for a couple of days. But you think of one
more twist that you forgot to
tell him. Satan will suggest that you'd better
make a special appointment and
get rid of everything. Another special
interview with the mission president
helps you relax for awhile. However,
the cycle repeats itself until
you realize, or the mission president identifies,
what the adversary is doing.
The disease is called "confessionitis." It is
not common, but if you have it,
you need to conquer the problem. During
an interview, explain to the
president that you want to be totally clean
from the past. You are willing
to empty the bucket of former sins once and
for all. After you have finished
the confession, ask the Lord if there is
anything else that needs to be
discussed. Explain that you are more than
willing to do whatever he requires,
but it should be revealed now rather
than every other week. Ask the
Lord, in his infinite wisdom, what he would
have you do. When the feelings
of "what to do next" are gone, you may
assume you have completed the
process and should move on with your life.
The next time the adversary tries to dredge up the past, command
him to leave. Explain that you
don't have five minutes to waste on his lies.
You have exaltation to gain.
Move forward positively and optimistically.
Those feelings of despair will
leave, and you will progress toward your
eternal goal. Will you still
remember past transgressions? Yes. Will you
still regret having committed
them? Yes, definitely. Will you still have
that gut-wrenching fear of being
in the presence of the Lord? No, that
will be gone forever. In the
words of one who knows and is willing to
describe it for us, Alma says,
"Behold, when I thought this [about the
Savior and his atonement], I
could remember my pains no more; yea,
I was harrowed up by the memory
of my sins no more. And oh, what joy,
and what marvelous light I did
behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as
exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma
36:19-20.) Alma does not say he did
not remember having sinned, but
he did say that the pain was gone, and
he was not continually "harrowed
up" by the memory of his past
transgressions. We can
and should enjoy the same blessings concerning
our past transgressions.
Enos, who prayed all day long and into the night before he received
a remission of his past sins,
described it this way: "I, Enos, knew that God
could not lie; wherefore, my
guilt was swept away" (Enos 1:6). The people
who listened to aged King Benjamin
had one of those "forgiving experiences."
It is recorded like this: "And
it came to pass that after they had spoken these
words (asking for the atoning
blood of Christ to cleanse them) the Spirit of
the Lord came upon them, and
they were filled with joy, having received a
remission of their sins, and
having peace of conscience" (Mosiah
4:3).
Neither Enos nor the people of
King Benjamin claimed to have
forgotten
their past sins, but both described
a relief from guilt and a
peace of
conscience that accompanied the
remission of their sins.
Perhaps we have been fooled again by Satan to expect a false set
of
conditions to indicate a remission
of our sins. You are worthy to serve when
you have the Spirit. You are
worthy to serve when your mission president,
knowing all he needs to know
about your past, says you are worthy to serve.
There is a certain irony in the way Satan works. He tells you that
you are totally worthless, yet
he doubles his efforts against your influence,
talent, and potential. This approach
doesn't seem appropriate if he really
considers you a loser. Either
you pose a real threat to him and his kingdom
or you do not. Satan can't have
it both ways.
I have found that the "zoom out" tactic is very beneficial. Step
back
from your situation and consider
the big picture. Of all the commandments
the Lord has given, how many
do you live? Probably 95 to
99 percent. In fact,
probably only a couple of commandments
cause you to struggle.
If you got
99 percent or even 95 percent
on a test, would you
consider yourself a total
failure? Of course not.
No, you are not trying to
excuse less-than-perfect
performance, but neither are
you ready to give
up because you missed one
small part of the test. Before
you retried the
test, you would probably look
to see which questions you missed
so you could correct
them. Your attitude
toward weaknesses should be the
same.
Years ago, I was thinning sugar beets for a farmer. The rows were
long and the hoe handle was short.
It required that I bend over for hours
at a time. I remember looking
at the end of the row and thinking I would
never make it. I must have looked
discouraged, because the farmer
brought me a bottle of warm water.
He was not a man of many words,
but he did say, "Look how far
you've come!" When I looked back, I was
surprised. I had come a long
way. Several times during the following
hours, I looked back to see how
far I had come. Occasionally, we need
to give ourselves credit for
how far we've come so that we gain added
strength to continue the battle.
If you serve honorably you will foil the evil programs used by the
adversary. Because of your faithfulness,
he will do all he can to convince
you that you cannot serve because
you are not yet perfect. Listen to the
Good Shepherd and his chosen
leaders, not to the "liar from the beginning"
(D&C 93:25).
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(Taken from the book: Serve With Honor, by Randy Bott, 1995.)