Haeckel's Tale Year: 2006 Director: John McNaughton Written by: Mick Garris Threat: Undead Weapon of Choice: Musket Based upon: short story - Clive Barker Color/B&W/3D: Colour Language: English Country of Origin: USA IMDb page:

Other movies in this series:
Please see the Masters of Horror series page.

The tyranist's thoughts
I'm not much of a fan of Clive Barker, but people seem to think his horror is groovy. Maybe I should actually bother to read something he's written rather than just watching things that he may have been involved in.
A man encounters a necromancer, whose ability he doubts. But he has a reason to want to know the necromancer's secret as his father is dying. He goes on an obscenely long walk and happens to encounter a strange couple who are clients of the necromancer. And then it all devolves into a bizarre sex drama.
This started out with a bit of promise, but that disappeared nearly immediately. The pointless walk which took way too long was the first sign that they really didn't have enough story to fill things out. Then it turned out the didn't really have much of a story at all.
Now, I'm a fan of people having sex in cemeteries, whether both parties are alive or not, but this was so silly and so pointless and so just stupid that I couldn't stand it. As Masters of Horror episodes go, this one won't rank very high. It wasn't the worst, but it reminded me more of the bad times on Tales from the Crypt more than anything else.
If you are trying to work your way through the Masters of Horror series, you should check this one out since you might like it. I didn't, but I'm not everybody.
Posted: March 12, 2007

Rish's Reviews
Hey, I really liked "Tales from the Crypt." And this episode, for the most part.
I too could mention the five minutes of walking, or the pointless, disgusting scene where our hero rests under a hanging tree, only to have dead man's ooze fall onto his face and mouth. But I won't.
As I mentioned in my American Haunting review (or maybe I didn't, but I'll be damned if I'm going to look it up now--this review will end up yet another month late), I'm quite fascinated by this time period in American history, and am always interested when a horror film is set then.
The woman in the film was indeed beautiful. And the story was pretty darn unique. But, as tyranist and I both noticed as the film was progressing, there was a hell of a lot of padding, ESPECIALLY for a movie that was only one hour long.
I was just telling tyranist that I think Mick Garris is a much better producer than he is a director. He wrote this episode (the script, anyway), and I imagine that whatever shortcomings are in it, the fault lies there.
Director McNaughton is famous for directing Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (a film I'd bet a box of donuts we're never reviewing on this site), and also did The Borrower. But unless you count Wild Things as Horror, that's all that qualifies him for a Master-hood. I don't know if I agree with that, but maybe Henry was just that good.
Once the story itself gets going, I thought it was good one. And very, very, very sick. That's a recommendation, of sorts.
Best Scare: It's not a scare by the traditional sense, but when we get a look at the baby . . . well, that should qualify.
Posted: March 29, 2007

Total Skulls: 19

Sequel
Sequel setup
Rips off earlier film
Horror film showing on TV/in theater in movie
Future celebrity appears
Former celebrity appears
Bad title
Bad premise
Bad acting
Bad dialogue
Bad execution
MTV Editing
OTS
Girl unnecessarily gets naked
Wanton sex
Death associated with sex
Unfulfilled promise of nudity
Characters forget about threat
Secluded location
Power is cut
Phone lines are cut
Someone investigates a strange noise
Someone runs up stairs instead of going out front door
Camera is the killer
Victims cower in front of a window/door
Victim locks self in with killer
Victim running from killer inexplicably falls
Toilet stall scene
Shower/bath scene
Car stalls or won't start
Cat jumps out
Fake scare
Laughable scare
Stupid discovery of corpse
Dream sequence
Hallucination/Vision
No one believes only witness
Crazy, drunk, old man knows the truth
Warning goes unheeded
Music detracts from scene
Death in first five minutes
x years before/later
Flashback sequence
Dark and stormy night
Killer doesn't stay dead
Killer wears a mask
Killer is in closet
Killer is in car with victim
Villain is more sympathetic than heroes
Unscary villain/monster
Beheading
Blood fountain
Blood spatters - camera, wall, etc.
Poor death effect
Excessive gore
No one dies at all
Virgin survives
Geek/Nerd survives
Little kid lamely survives
Dog/Pet miraculously survives
Unresolved subplots
"It was all a dream" ending
Unbelievably happy ending
Unbelievably crappy ending
What the hell?